Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Obscure Engineering Conversions Factors



~ Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

~ 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup = Won ton

~ 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

~ Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

~ Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

~ Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

~ 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 Lite year

~ 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

~ Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon

~ 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

~ Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

~ Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line

~ 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds

~ 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
~ 1000 ccs of wet socks = 1 literhosen

~ 8 nickels = 2 paradigms

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

The Haircut ---

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.  His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.  The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that:

        Samson had long hair,

        John the Baptist had long hair,

        Moses had long hair,

and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
     


(You're   going to love the Dad's reply!




 "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"  




Monday, July 27, 2015

Scout Trip Letter from Camp

Dear Mom,
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.


Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.


Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?


The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.


We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.


We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.


Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.


This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.


Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.


Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works.


Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?


I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and   buy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.



Humor for the Ageless


















Sunday, July 26, 2015

An interesting read: CHURCH

 If you're spiritually alive, you're going to love this! If you're spiritually dead, you won't want to read it. If you're spiritually curious, there is still hope!


A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. 'I've gone for 30 years now,' he wrote, 'and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons, but for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them so, I think I' m wasting my time and the priests are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all.'


This started a real controversy in the 'Letters to the Editor' column. Much to the delight of the editor, it went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher: 'I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this... They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!' 



When you are DOWN to nothing....God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!