Friday, October 31, 2014

Halloween

The word Halloween or Hallowe'en dates to about 1745[29] and is of Christian origin.[30] The word "Halloween" means "hallowed evening" or "holy evening".[31] It comes from a Scottish term for All Hallows' Eve (the evening before All Hallows' Day).[32][33] In Scots, the word "eve" is even, and this is contracted to e'en oreen. Over time, (All) Hallow(s) Eve(n) evolved into Halloween. Although the phrase "All Hallows'" is found in Old English (ealra hālgena mæssedæg, all saints mass-day), "All Hallows' Eve" is itself not seen until 1556.[33][34]  Wikipedia


Evolving from the ancient Celtic holiday of Samhain, modern Halloween has become less about literal ghosts and ghouls and more about costumes and candy. The Celts used the day to mark the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter, and also believed that this transition between the seasons was a bridge to the world of the dead.  Over the millennia the holiday transitioned from a somber pagan ritual to a day of merriment, costumes, parades and sweet treats for children and adults.

Halloween, one of the world’s oldest holidays, is still celebrated today in a number of countries around the globe. In Mexico and other Latin American countries, Día de los Muertos—the Day of the Dead—honors deceased loved ones and ancestors. In countries such as Ireland, Canada and the United States, adults and children alike revel in the popular Halloween holiday, which derived from ancient festivals and religious rituals. Traditions include costume parties, trick-or-treating, pranks and games.


Thursday, October 30, 2014

Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh

Have you met the family of Vincent Van Gogh?


His dizzy aunt -------------------- Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes--------------- Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store --- Stop N Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia -------------- U Gogh

His magician uncle ------------ Where-diddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin ----------------- A Mee Gogh

The Mexican cousin's American half-brother -------- Gring Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach -------- Wells-far Gogh

The constipated uncle ----------- Can't Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt --------------- Tang Gogh

The bird lover uncle -------------- Flamin Gogh

The fruit loving cousin ------------- Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking ----------- Way-to-Gogh

The little bouncy nephew ------------ Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco ------ Go Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in an RV --- Winnie Bay Gogh


I saw you smiling ....... there ya Gogh!


Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Safety First

Just gotta love this!!

I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighborhood. So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighborhood Watch.

 
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Flag of ISIS in its center.

 
Now, the Yorkshire police, the National Security Bureau, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in Europe are all watching my house 24 hours-7 days/week-365 days/year.


My children are followed to school every day, and my wife too, when she goes shopping. I'm followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers me at all. I've never felt safer.


Tuesday, October 28, 2014

the $5 bet...

 
Husband goes with his wife to her high school reunion.

 
After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored. 

 
The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance. There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works. 

 
Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

 
Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"


 
$5 says you will forward this ... :-)

Monday, October 27, 2014

ENGLISH Mensa Invitational - for lexophiles

 The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the  dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
   
   Here  are the  winners:

1.  Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house,  which renders the subject financially impotent for  an indefinite period of time. 

2. Ignoranus:  A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton:  Euphoria at  getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize  it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation:  Coming back to  life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.):  The substance  surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,  shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 

6. Foreploy:  Any  misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid  

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm:  The gulf  between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte:  To take coffee intravenously when you are running  late.

10.  Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.  (This one got extra credit)

11. Karmageddon:  It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes,  right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon  (n):The  grueling event of getting through the day consuming  only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido:  All talk and no action. 

14. Dopeler  Effect: The  tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 

15. Arachnoleptic  Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug  (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast  out.

17. Caterpallor (n.):  The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating. 



The WashingtonPost has also  published the winning submissions to its yearly  contest, in which readers are asked to supply  alternate meanings for common words.

And the  winners are:

1. Coffee, n.  The person upon whom one coughs. 

2. Flabbergasted,  adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.  

3.  Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v.  To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj.  Impotent.  

6.  Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering  the door when wearing only a  nightgown.

7. Lymph, v.  To walk with a  lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n.  Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n.  Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over  by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash,  n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n.  A humorous question on an exam. 

12. Rectitude, n.  The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.  

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.  

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his  conversation with Yiddishisms.  

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of  boxer shorts worn by Jewish  men.