Thursday, August 25, 2011

Back In My Day

 When I was a kid the adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up, with all that walking twenty miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year-round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!

 And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way I was going to lay a line like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But... now that I've reached the ripe old age of thirty-five, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

 You kids have got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet - if we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves!

 And there was no e-mail! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a PEN! And then we had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a WEEK to get there!

 And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and ruin the song!

 We didn't have fancy stuff like 'call waiting'! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have that fancy 'Caller ID' stuff either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, you didn't know! You just had to pick it up and take your chances! And what's more, your phone was plugged into the WALL!

 And we didn't have any fancy computer games and Playstations with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari! We had like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics were terrible! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens or secret areas, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!!!

 And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 14 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! There was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning! D'ya hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK!

 That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled, you guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1984!!!

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