Friday, September 30, 2011

The Fabulous Fifties

"Hey Dad," My son asked the other day, "what was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?" "We didn't have fast food when I was growing up." "C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?"

 "We ate at home," I explained. "My Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we all sat down together at the table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I had to sit there until I did like it."

 By this time, my son was laughing so hard I was afraid He was going to suffer some serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to get my Father's permission to leave the table. Here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I had figured his system could handle it.

 My parents never wore Levi's, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country, flew in a plane, or had a credit card. My mother never even wore slacks until she was in her 50's and then only after much coaxing. She wore house dresses throughout my childhood. In their later years they had something called a "revolving charge card" but they never actually used it. It was only good at Sears-Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears and Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore.

 My parents never drove me to basketball practice. This was because no one had a second car and it was safe to walk everywhere. We actually did walk to school. By the time you were in the 6th grade it was not cool to ride the bus unless you lived more than 4 or 5 miles from the school, even when it was raining or there was ice or snow on the ground.

 Outdoor sports consisted of roller skating, punch ball, stickball, snowball fights, building forts, making snowmen and sliding down hills on a piece of cardboard. No skate boards, roller blades or trail bikes. We didn't have a television in our house until I was 12. It was, of course, black and white, but you could buy a piece of special colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day.

 No one had ever heard of a pizza. Milk was delivered to the house and left in the milk box on the stoop. I looked forward to winter because the cream in the milk was on top of the bottle and it would freeze and push the cap off. Of course, we kids would get up first to get the milk and eat the frozen cream before our mother could catch us.

 I never had a telephone in my room. Actually the only phone in the house was in the hallway and it was on a party line. Before you could make a call, you had to listen in to make sure someone else wasn't already using the line. If the line was not in use an Operator would come on and ask "number please" and you would give her the number you wanted to call.

 There was no such thing as a computer or a hand held calculator. We were required to memorize the "times tables." Believe it or not, we were tested each week on our ability to perform mathematics with nothing but a pencil and paper. We took a spelling test every day. There was no such thing as a "social promotion." If you flunked a class, you repeated that grade the following year. Nobody was concerned about your "self esteem." We had to actually do something praiseworthy before we were praised. We learned that you had to earn respect.

 All newspapers were delivered by boys and most all boys delivered newspapers. My brothers delivered the "Daily News" six days a week. It cost seven cents a paper, of which they got to keep 2 cents. On Saturday, they had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. Their favorite customers were the ones who gave them 50 cents and told them to keep the change. Their least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

 Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut on screen. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they just didn't do that in the movies back then. I had no idea what they did in French movies. French movies were considered dirty and we weren't allowed to see them.

 You never saw the Lone Ranger, Roy Rogers or anyone else actually kill someone. The heroes back then would just shoot the gun out of the bad guy's hand. There was no blood and violence.

 When you were sick, the Doctor actually came to your house. No, I am not making this up. Drugs were something you purchased at a pharmacy in order to cure an illness.

 If we dared to "sass" our parents, or any other grown-up, we immediately found out what soap tasted like. For more serious infractions, we learned about something called a "this hurts me more than it hurts you." I never did quite understand that one... In those days, parents were expected to discipline their kids. There was no interference from the government. "Social Services" or "Family Services" had not been invented (the ninth and tenth amendments to the constitution were still observed in those days).

 I must be getting old because I find myself reflecting back more and more and thinking I liked it a lot better back then.

 If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your kids, grandchildren, nieces and/or nephews. Just don't blame me if they wet themselves laughing.

 Growing up today sure isn't what it used to be like in my day. For all the modern conveniences and new technology, I think society has lost a lot along the way. There's a lot to be said for that former "age of innocence." No, it wasn't perfect, but the American family was at the heart of the nation.

 I miss that.........

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The UNIVERSAL LAWS .......

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop
: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible location.

Law of Probability
: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone
: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi
: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)

Bath Theorem
: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

Law of Close Encounters
: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Bio mechanics
: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theater Rule
: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee
: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets
: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location
: No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument
: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law
: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law
: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law
: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The Ten Commandments in Cajun...

1 - God is number one...
and das' All.

2 - Don't pray to nuttin' or nobody...
jus' God.

3 - Don't cuss nobody...
'specially da Good Lord.



4 - When it be Sunday...
pass yo'self by God's House.

5 - Yo mama an' yo daddy dun did it all...
lissen to dem.



6 - Killin' duck an' fish, das' OK...
people - No!



7 - God done give you a wife...
sleep wit' jus' her.



8 - Don't take nobody's boat...
 or nuttin' else.



9 - Don't go wantin' somebody's stuff.


10 - Stop lyin'...
yo tongue gonna fall out yo mouf!

Monday, September 26, 2011

It was going to be good...

    A woman (married three times) walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

    Of course, madam,' replied the sales clerk, 'exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?'

    The bride-to-be said: 'A long frilly white dress with a veil.'

    The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, 'Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time---for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?'

    'Well,' replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, 'I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.

You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding; he died as we were checking into our hotel.

My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.'

'What about your third husband?' asked the sales clerk.

'That one was a Democrat,' said the woman, 'and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.'

Sunday, September 25, 2011

HILLBILLY BIRTH

Deep in the back woods, of Letcher County Kentucky a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.


Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, 'Here, You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!'


Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. 'Whoa there', said the doctor, 'Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think there's another one coming.'


Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. 'Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!' Said the doctor.


Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby 'No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!' cried the doctor.


The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, . . . . ..


'You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Ten Commandments - Cowboy Style

1 Just one God.

2 Honor yer Ma &Pa.

3 No telling tales or gossipin'.

4 Git yourself to Sunday meeting.

5 Put nothin' before God.

6 No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.

7 No killin'.

8 Watch yer mouth.

9 Don't take what ain't yers.

10 Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff

 Guess cowboys just kinda tell it like it is!!!!

 Y'all have a good day now.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Videos 2 View

One of my favorite sites for all types of videos is videos2view.net.
Another with just funny videos is 2funny4you.net
This is a Carol Burnett and Tim Conway classic...

Ten Commandments of Cell Phone Etiquette:

1. Thou shalt not subject defenseless others to cell phone conversations. When people cannot escape the banality of your conversation, such as on the bus, in a cab, on a grounded airplane, or at the dinner table, you should spare them. People around you should have the option of not listening. If they don't, you shouldn't be babbling.

2. Thou shalt not set thy ringer to play La Cucaracha every time thy phone rings. Or Beethoven's Fifth, or the Bee Gees, or any other annoying melody. Is it not enough that phones go off every other second? Now we have to listen to synthesized nonsense?

3. Thou shalt turn thy cell phone off during public performances. I'm not even sure this one needs to be said, but given the repeated violations of this heretofore unwritten law, I felt compelled to include it.

4. Thou shalt not wear more than two wireless devices on thy belt. This hasn't become a big problem yet. But with plenty of techno-jockeys sporting pagers and phones, Batman-esque utility belts are sure to follow. Let's nip this one in the bud.

5. Thou shalt not dial while driving. In all seriousness, this madness has to stop. There are enough people in the world who have problems mastering vehicles and phones individually. Put them together and we have a serious health hazard on our hands.

6. Thou shalt not wear thy earpiece when thou art not on thy phone. This is not unlike being on the phone and carrying on another conversation with someone who is physically in your presence. No one knows if you are here or there. Very disturbing.

7. Thou shalt not speak louder on thy cell phone than thou would on any other phone. These things have incredibly sensitive microphones, and it's gotten to the point where I can tell if someone is calling me from a cell because of the way they are talking, not how it sounds. If your signal cuts out, speaking louder won't help, unless the person is actually within earshot.

8. Thou shalt not grow too attached to thy cell phone. For obvious reasons, a dependency on constant communication is not healthy. At work, go nuts. At home, give it a rest.

9. Thou shalt not attempt to impress with thy cell phone. Not only is using a cell phone no longer impressive in any way (unless it's one of those really cool new phones with the space age design), when it is used for that reason, said user can be immediately identified as a neophyte and a poseur.

10. Thou shalt not slam thy cell phone down on a restaurant table just in case it rings. This is not the Old West, and you are not a gunslinger sitting down to a game of poker in the saloon. Could you please be a little less conspicuous? If it rings, you'll hear it just as well if it's in your coat pocket or clipped on your belt.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

You Screwed Up, Obama...

and get your feet off the desk...


Master Two Words to Advance Your Career

"Don't screw up. When you do good, no one pays attention, but if you screw up, the weight of the world will be dropped on your shoulders."

I solemnly nodded my head in agreement and pledged I would not screw up. For the most part, I did okay. I didn't get much feedback, but since the weight of the world hadn't managed to crush me, I gathered I was okay.

Then Friday afternoon, the partner of the project came to me with a special request. Turns out I discovered a minor security problem and because I found it, I was tasked with fixing it. I worked all weekend to find the right solution and when the partner returned on Monday, he stopped by my cube, looked me in the eye and said, "good job."

As part of my reward, I was invited to a steak dinner. At dinner, I was thanked, again, for my effort. Without a doubt, I beamed. Next thing I knew, I was the "security guy" for the team.

Being recognized with a sincere thank you, whether in public or private, feels good

It atones for long weekends, cross words and frustrations.  

Turns out that mastering two words, "thank you," is essential to a successful career.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

TRUISMS

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

Anyone who thinks old age is golden must not have had a very exciting youth.

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car

There are no new sins....the old ones just get more publicity.

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM.  It could be a right number.

No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?

Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

One of the quickest ways for a young man to fail in life is to work so hard the boss will think he's after his job

If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

You know you're old when you reach down to get the wrinkles out of your  panty hose and realize you aren't wearing any.

I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Self Esteem

Randy Alcorn, founder of Eternal Perspective Ministries in Oregon, summed up the two sources of self-esteem in his article entitled,
 “The Two Sources of Self-Esteem,” which follows:

The Secular Basis for Self-Esteem


 You are the descendant of a tiny cell of primordial protoplasm that washed up on an ocean beach 3 1/2 billion years ago. You are the blind and arbitrary product of time, chance, and natural forces. Your closest living relatives swing from trees and eat crackers at the zoo.

 You are a mere grab bag of atomic particles, a conglomeration of genetic substance. You exist on a tiny planet in a minute solar system in an obscure galaxy in a remote and empty corner of a vast, cold, and meaningless universe. You are flying through lifeless space with no purpose, no direction, no control, and no destiny but final destruction.

 You are purely biological entity, different only in degree but not in kind from a microbe, virus, or amoeba. You have no essence beyond your body, and at death you will cease to exist entirely. What little life you do have is confined to a fragile body aimlessly moving through a world plagued by war, famine, and disease. The only question is whether the world will manage to blow itself up before your brief and pointless life ends on its own.

 In short, you came from nothing, you are going nowhere, and you will end your brief cosmic journey beneath six feet of dirt, where all that is you will become food for bacteria and rot with worms.

 Now . . . why don’t you feel good about yourself?


The Christian Basis for Self-Esteem


 You are a special creation of a good and all-powerful God. You are the climax of His creation, the magnum opus of the greatest artist in the universe. You are created in His image, with capacities to think, feel, and worship that set you above all other life forms. You differ from the animals not simply in degree but in kind.

 Not only is your kind unique, but you are unique among your kind. God has masterminded the exact combination of DNA and chromosomes that constitute your genetic code, making you as different from all others as every snowflake differs from the rest.

 Your Creator loved you so much and so intensely desires your companionship and affection that, despite your rebellion, He gave the life of His only Son that you might spend eternity with Him. If you are willing to accept the gift of salvation, you can become a child of God, the king of the universe.

 As a Christian, you are clothed with the righteousness of Christ. He has given you special gifts and abilities to serve Him in a particular and unique way.

 Your heavenly Father is sovereign, and will allow nothing to cross your path that is not Father-filtered. He cares for you so much that he is totally available to you at all times, and listens to every word you say. He cares deeply about your hurts, and has a perfect plan for your life. He has given you the inspired Word of God as a road map for living. He gives you the truth that sets you free, a life that is abundant and eternal, and a spiritual family that loves and needs you.

 Your destiny is to live forever in a magnificent kingdom, to reign with Christ over the universe. You will forever enjoy the wonders of His presence and the marvels of His creations. You will spend eternity in intimate and joyful fellowship with your beloved Lord and your precious spiritual family. Now . . . how does that make you feel about yourself?


 If upon reading this article you choose to accept and believe the Biblical truth that you are a uniquely created being rather than one that evolved from nothing and is going nowhere please accept this message from your Creator.

 The Bible clearly teaches that God Almighty in the Person of Jesus Christ created all matter and life (John 1:1-3, 10; Colossians 1:16). It in fact assures us that it is only through His power that life and matter continues in their present form. But eventually all life and matter will come to a physical end. Eventually there will be a “new heaven and a new earth.” You also will eventually die (Hebrews 9:27), that is, your spirit (the real you) will eventually separate from your physical body. What happens after this event is a matter of your choice while you remain alive.

 God’s Word teaches that without Christ Jesus as your personal Savior the destiny of your eternal soul is bleak (Romans 3:23; 6:23). Because of sin in your life there awaits only darkness, eternal fire and an eternity separated from God--unless, and this is important, you accept the gift of eternal life paid for by Jesus Christ and offered freely to you by God (John 3:16-18). The following paragraph will explain it in a “nutshell.”

 To be saved, that is, to personally receive eternal life, you only need to understand that Jesus Christ paid-in-full the penalty-price for your sins with His death on the cross of Calvary. But He did not remain dead. After three days He arose from the grave and ascended to heaven where He presently resides at the right hand of God. Now here is the most important part for you. If you will only make a genuine decision to turn from any and all means of achieving eternal life (such as your own good works, church attendance, religious observances, etc.) and place your entire faith (trust) in Jesus Christ for your personal salvation, the instant you make that earnest decision you are eternally saved.

 If you have never made that decision in your lifetime, please consider doing it. Your eternity is in your hands. If you in fact make the decision to accept Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, please (1) inform the editor of www.bibleone.net --E-mail access may be found at the Editor’s Corner section on the web site, (2) start reading the Bible daily--the Gospel of John in the New Testament is recommended, and you may access detailed commentary on this book at the above listed web site, (3) locate and join a Christ-honoring and loving church and (4) tell as many as you can about Jesus and your salvation experience.

Monday, September 19, 2011

the problem with electing the inexperienced and uneducated..

In a new paper, Heritage’s Curtis Dubay explains that the tax hikes in the President’s plan would be permanent, while his jobs policies would be temporary. And, in a senseless irony, those taxes would be levied on the very job creators whom America needs to create jobs.
Dubay writes:

    In the Administration’s poorly crafted and contradictory jobs package, the American people get permanent tax hikes that would enlarge the federal government to offset the cost of temporary jobs policies that would not create any jobs. In the long run, the tax hikes in this plan are more likely to destroy more jobs than the jobs policies create.

    Unfortunately, President Obama will not consider policies that would actually create jobs by reducing the high level of uncertainty that persists in the economy today.


Those tax policies include raising taxes on job creators by capping the deductions that families and businesses earning more than $250,000 a year could claim. And that tax increase would be on top of the 3.8 percent surtax on investment income coming in 2013 under Obamacare–not to mention the new taxes that the President is proposing today.

duh, did i do that...??

Thought for the Day!

A Baltimore sports writer, concerning the indictment of  baseball pitcher Roger Clemens wrote:
 
"Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a congressman can be up to 30 years in jail, but the penalty for a Congressman lying to you is another two years in office."

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Death of Doughboy

It is with the saddest heart I pass on the following:

 Please join me in remembering a great icon - the veteran Pillsbury spokesman. The Pillsbury doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

 Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch.

 The grave site was piled high with flours. As long-time friend, Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

 Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart cookie," wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.

 Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.




Saturday, September 17, 2011

Fear of Global Calamity

Watch out that no one deceives you. For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will deceive many. You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains.”
(Matthew 24: 4-8 NIV) 


Things are going to get bad, really bad, before they get better. And when conditions worsen, “See to it that you are not alarmed” (v. 6 NIV). Jesus chose a stout term for alarmed that he used on no other occasion. It means “to wail, to cry aloud,” as if Jesus counseled the disciples, “Don’t freak out when bad stuff happens.”

Jesus equipped his followers with farsighted courage. He listed the typhoons of life and then pointed them “to the end.” Trust in ultimate victory gives ultimate courage. Author Jim Collins makes reference to this outlook in his book Good to Great. Collins tells the story of Admiral James Stockdale, who was a prisoner of war for eight years during the Vietnam War. After Stockdale’s release Collins asked him how in the world he survived eight years in a prisoner-of-war camp.

He replied, “I never lost faith in the end of the story. I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.”

Collins then asked, “Who didn’t make it out?” Admiral Stockdale replied, “Oh, that’s easy. The optimists. . . . they were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.”

Real courage embraces the twin realities of current difficulty and ultimate triumph. Yes, life stinks. But it won’t forever. As one of my friends likes to say, “Everything will work out in the end. If it’s not working out, it’s not the end.”

Though the church is winnowed down like Gideon’s army, though God’s earth is buffeted by climate changes and bloodied by misfortune, though creation itself seems stranded on the Arctic seas, don’t overreact. “Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes” (Ps. 37:7 NLT).

Fearless

From Fearless
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 2009) Max Lucado

Friday, September 16, 2011

The Dollar Mysteries


Take out a one dollar bill, and look at it. The one dollar bill you're looking at first came off the presses in 1957 in its present design. This so-called paper money is in fact a cotton and linen blend, with red and blue minute silk fibers running through it. It is actually material. We've all washed it without it falling apart. A special blend of ink is used, the contents we will never know. It is overprinted with symbols and then it is starched to make it water resistant and pressed to give it that nice crisp look.

 If you look on the front of the bill, you will see the United States Treasury Seal. On the top you will see the scales for a balanced budget. In the center you have a carpenter's square, a tool used for an even cut. Underneath is the Key to the United States Treasury. That's all pretty easy to figure out, but what is on the back of that dollar bill is something we should all know.

 If you turn the bill over, you will see two circles. Both circles, together, comprise the Great Seal of the United States. The First Continental Congress requested that Benjamin Franklin and a group of men come up with a Seal. It took them four years to accomplish this task and another two years to get it approved.

 If you look at the left-hand circle, you will see a Pyramid. Notice the face is lighted, and the western side is dark. This country was just beginning. We had not begun to explore the West or decided what we could do for Western Civilization. The Pyramid is un-capped, again signifying that we were not even close to being finished. Inside the capstone you have the all-seeing eye, an ancient symbol for divinity. It was Franklin's belief that one man couldn't do it alone, but a group of men, with the help of God, could do anything.

 "IN GOD WE TRUST" is on this currency. The Latin above the pyramid, ANNUIT COEPTIS, means, "God has favored our undertaking." The Latin below the pyramid, NOVUS ORDO SECLORUM, means, "a new order has begun." At the base of the pyramid is the Roman Numeral for 1776. If you look at the right-hand circle, and check it carefully, you will learn that it is on every National Cemetery in the United States. It is also on the Parade of Flags Walkway at the Bushnell, Florida National Cemetery, and is the centerpiece of most hero's monuments. Slightly modified, it is the seal of the President of the United States, and it is always visible whenever he speaks, yet very few people know what the symbols mean.

 The Bald Eagle was selected as a symbol for victory for two reasons: First, he is not afraid of a storm; he is strong, and he is smart enough to soar above it. Secondly, he wears no material crown. We had just broken from the King of England. Also, notice the shield is unsupported. This country can now stand on its own. At the top of that shield you have a white bar signifying congress, a unifying factor. We were coming together as one nation. In the Eagle's beak you will read, "E PLURIBUS UNUM", meaning, "one nation from many people".

 Above the Eagle, you have thirteen stars, representing the thirteen original colonies, and any clouds of misunderstanding rolling away. Again, we were coming together as one.

 Notice what the Eagle holds in his talons. He holds an olive branch and arrows. This country wants peace, but we will never be afraid to fight to preserve peace. The Eagle always wants to face the olive branch, but in time of war, his gaze turns toward the arrows.

 They say that the number 13 is an unlucky number. This is almost a worldwide belief. You will usually never see a room numbered 13, or any hotels or motels with a 13th floor. But think about this: 13 original colonies, 13 signers of the Declaration of Independence, 13 stripes on our flag, 13 steps on the Pyramid, 13 letters in the Latin above, 13 letters in "E Pluribus Unum", 13 stars above the Eagle, 13 bars on that shield, 13 leaves on the olive branch, 13 fruits, and if you look closely, 13 arrows. And, for minorities: the 13th Amendment.

 I always ask people, "Why don't you know this?" Your children don't know this, and their history teachers don't know this. Too many veterans have given up too much to ever let the meaning fade. Many veterans remember coming home to an America that didn't care. Too many veterans never came home at all.


Thursday, September 15, 2011

Explaining God

One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way He doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.

 The second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps him pretty busy. You shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.

 Athiests are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church. Jesus is God's son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles, and people finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him. But he was good and kind, like his father and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them, and God said "O.K."

 His dad (God) appreciated everything he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without God. Like a secretary, only more important. You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.

 You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anyone you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out until noon anyway.

 If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know he's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids. But you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases. And that's why I believe in God.



 (This was written by an 8-year old, Danny Dutton of Chula Vista, CA. for his third-grade homework assignment. The assignment was to explain God. Wonder if any of us could do as well!)

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Statements From Insurance Claims

 The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words. These instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that even incompetent writing may be highly entertaining.


Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.


I thought my window was down but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.


I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.


A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.


A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.


The guy was all over the road.
 I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.


In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.


I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up,
 obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.


I had been driving for 40 years when I feel asleep at the wheel and had an accident.


I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.


As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.


To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.


My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.


An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.


I told the police that I was not injured but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull.


I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.


The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run so I ran over him.


I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentlemen as he bounced off the hood of my car.


The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.


I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.


The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.

 

Monday, September 12, 2011

Not A Lick of Sense in Here...


not one..


True Southerners

Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.


Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."


Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."


Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."


All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.


All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.


Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)


Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.


Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.


No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.


A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.


Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.


Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!


Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.


True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."


True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.


Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.


When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' .. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!


Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.


A true Southerner knows that if you are with a couple of friends you, you could be with 2 or 10. The number doesn't matter.


And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go on your way.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Remembering 9/11 – Never Quit

Today, we join America in honoring the anniversary of September 11, 2001, when terrorists  killed nearly 3,000 of our fellow citizens. In the days after 9/11, Americans stood together as one, setting aside partisan fervor and recognized a common enemy in Islamist terrorist groups, particularly al-Qaeda. National security was rightfully restored as our nation's highest priority.

Ten years later, Osama bin Laden is dead, delivering to victims' families and the rest of America a bit of justice for the heinous acts we all witnessed. But one terrorist's death does not justify returning to the national security mindset that existed prior to that day.


As Thomas Paine said, "Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."



That notion is ever true. Thanks to important policies put into place after 9/11, America has been able to thwart at least 41 publicly known terrorist attacks. Such vigilance saved lives and will continue to do so moving forth. As Heritage's 
Matt Mayer wrote days after bin Laden's death:
In terrorist hideouts across the globe, many men with similarly warped views are eager to become the next bin Laden. They know the path to that title [lies] in successfully attacking us domestically and causing substantial death and destruction.

The global war on terror that began as a result of 9/11 continues, and brave men and women risk their lives daily to protect America and prevent future acts of terrorism. As soldiers return from Afghanistan and Iraq after third or fourth tours of duty, we're reminded that a clear and present danger remains.

Unfortunately, President Obama isn't taking the threat seriously enough. The embattled debt ceiling policy outcome proved this, delivering a bitter pill of $500 billion in cuts to our national security.


read more here... 

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Fly Your Flags! * Never Forget! * Fly Your Flags!


Please watch and read Nancye's new writing "Recovery After The Storm", a Power Point Presentation:

Click to Download

Remembering 9-11 Live TV

Return on 9/11 to listen to Dr. Stanley online during our live audio broadcast of the Salvation Army’s Healing and Remembrance service at Centennial Memorial Temple in New York City.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Psalm 116:15


The plan for September 11th observance

On Sunday September 11th, 2011, everyone needs to display the flag of these United States of America!!!

On Sunday, September 11th, 2011, an American flag should be displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the United States . Every individual  should make it their duty to display an American flag on this tenth  anniversary of one of our country's worst tragedies. We do this to honor those who lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones  who continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home  and abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms.

In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood shoulder-to-shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all but disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times and it shouldn't take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our American flag is the fabric of our country and together we can prevail over terrorism of all kinds.

Action Plan:

So, here's what we need you to do.

(1) Forward this blog post to everyone you know

(2) Fly an American flag of any size on 9/11

Thank you for your participation... 

God Bless You and God Bless America !

Never Forget


Removing Roadblocks to the Gospel


Thursday, September 8, 2011

His Name is Bill.

His name is Bill. He has wild hair, wears a T-shirt with holes in it, jeans and no shoes. This was literally his wardrobe for his entire four years of college. He is brilliant. Kind of esoteric and very, very bright. He became a Christian while attending college.

 Across the street from the campus is a well-dressed, very conservative church. They want to develop a ministry to the students, but are not sure how to go about it. One day Bill decides to go there. He walks in with no shoes, jeans, his T-shirt and wild hair.

 The service has already started and so Bill starts down the aisle looking for a seat. The church is completely packed and he can't find a seat. By now, people are really looking a bit uncomfortable, but no one says anything. Bill gets closer and closer and closer to the pulpit, and when he realizes there are no seats, he just squats down right on the carpet. (Although perfectly acceptable behavior at a college fellowship, trust me, this had never happened in this church before!)

 By now the people are really uptight, and the tension in the air is thick. About this time, the minister realizes that, from way at the back of the church, a deacon is slowly making his way toward Bill. Now the deacon is in his eighties, has silver-gray hair and a three-piece suit. A godly man, very elegant, very dignified, very courtly. He walks with a cane and, as he starts walking toward this boy, everyone is saying to themselves that you can't blame him for what he's going to do. How can you expect a man of his age and of his background to understand some college kid on the floor?

 It takes a long time for the man to reach the boy. The church is utterly silent except for the clicking of the man's cane. All eyes are focused on him. You can't even hear anyone breathing. The minister can't even preach the sermon until the deacon does what he has to do.

 And now they see this elderly man drop his cane on the floor. With great difficulty, he lowers himself and sits down next to Bill and worships with him, so he won't be alone. Everyone chokes up with emotion.

 When the minister gains control, he says, "What I'm about to preach, you will never remember. What you have just seen, you will never forget."

 "Be careful how you live. You may be the only Bible some people will ever read".

 I asked the Lord to bless you as I prayed for you today.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

American Slang Terms


* 1920s Slang Terms
    23 skiddoo -- to get going; move along; leave; or scram
    The cat's pajamas -- the best; the height of excellence
    Gams -- legs
    The real McCoy -- sincere; genuine; the real thing
    Hotsy-totsy -- perfect
    Moll -- a female companion of a gangster
    Speakeasy -- a place where alcohol was illegally sold and drunk during Prohibition
    The bee's knees -- excellent; outstanding

* 1930s Slang Terms
    I'll be a monkey's uncle -- sign of disbelief; I don't believe it!
    Gig -- a job
    Girl Friday -- a secretary or female assistant
    Juke joint -- a casual and inexpensive establishment with drinking, dancing, and blues music, typically in the southeastern United States
    Skivvies -- men's underwear

*1940s Slang Terms
    Blockbuster -- a huge success
    Keeping up with the Joneses -- competing to have a lifestyle or socioeconomic status comparable to one's neighbors
    Cool -- excellent; clever; sophisticated; fashionable; or enjoyable
    Sitting in the hot seat -- in a highly uncomfortable or embarrassing situation
    Smooch -- kiss

*1950s Slang Terms
    Big brother is watching you -- someone of authority is monitoring your actions
    Boo-boo -- a mistake; a wound
    Hi-fi -- high fidelity; a record player or turntable
    Hipster -- an innovative and trendy person

*1960s Slang Terms
    Daddy-o -- a man; used to address a hipster or beatnik
    Groovy -- cool; hip; excellent
    Hippie -- derived from hipster; a young adult who rebelled against established institutions, criticized  middle-class values, opposed the Vietnam War, and promoted sexual freedom
    The Man -- a person of authority; a group in power

* 1970s Slang Terms
    Catch you on the flip side -- see you later
    Dig it -- to like or understand something
    Get down/Boogie -- dance
    Mind-blowing -- unbelievable; originally an expression for the effects of hallucinogenic drugs
    Pump iron -- lift weights
    Workaholic -- a person who works too much or is addicted to his or her job

* 1980s Slang Terms
    Bodacious -- beautiful
    Chillin' -- relaxing
    Dweeb -- a nerd; someone who is not cool
    Fly -- cool; very hip
    Gag me with a spoon -- disgusting
    Gnarly -- exceptional; very cool
    Preppy -- one who dresses in designer clothing and has a neat, clean-cut appearance
    Wicked -- excellent; great
    Yuppie -- Young Urban Professional; a college-educated person with a well-paying job who lives near a big city; often associated with a materialistic and superficial personality

* 1990s Slang Terms
    Diss -- show disrespect
    Get jiggy -- dance; flirt
    Homey/Homeboy -- a friend or buddy
    My bad -- my mistake
    Phat -- cool or hip; highly attractive; hot
    Wassup? -- What's up?; How are you?
    Word -- yes; I agree

* 2000s Slang Terms
    Barney Bag -- a gigantic purse
    Newbie -- a newcomer; someone who is inexperienced
    Peeps -- friends; people
    Rents -- parents
    Sweet -- beyond cool

The Military Man

The average age of the military man is 19 years.

 He is a short-haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances, is considered by society as half-man, half-boy yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country.

 He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father's; but he has never collected unemployment either.

 He's a recent high school graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activites, drives a ten-year-old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away.

 He listens to rock and roll, or hip-hop, or rap, or jazz, or swing and 155mm Howitzers.

 He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk.

 He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark.

 He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must.

 He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional. He can march until he is told to stop or stop until he is told to march. He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity. He is self-sufficient. He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry. He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts.

 If you're thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food. He'll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low.

 He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands. He can save your life - or take it, because that is his job.

 He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay and still find ironic humor in it all.

 He has seen more suffering and death then he should have in his short lifetime. He has stood atop mountains of dead bodies, and helped to create them. He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat, and is unashamed.

 He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to 'square-away' those around him who haven't bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking. In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful.

 Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom. Beardless or not, he is not a boy. He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years. He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding.

 Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood.

 When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our ground troops, sailors, our airmen, and for those preparing for war with Iraq. Of all the gifts you could give a US Soldier, Sailor, Marine or Airman, prayer is the very best one.

"Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen."

Monday, September 5, 2011

True Friends


A Deck of Cards

A young soldier was in his bunkhouse all alone one Sunday morning over in Afghanistan. It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some reason hadn't made a noise. The young soldier knew it was Sunday, the holiest day of the week. As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk. Just then an army sergeant came in and said, "Why aren't you with the rest of the platoon?" The soldier replied, "I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord." The sergeant said, "Looks like you're going to play cards." The soldier said, "No sir, you see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country, I've decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards." The sergeant asked in disbelief, "How will you do that?"

. . . : : : A : : : . . .

"You see the Ace, Sergeant, it reminds that there is only one God.

. . . : : : 2 : : : . . .

 The Two represents the two parts of the Bible,
 Old and New Testaments.

. . . : : : 3 : : : . . .

 The Three represents the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

. . . : : : 4 : : : . . .

 The Four stands for the Four Apostles:
Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

. . . : : : 5 : : : . . .

 The Five is for the five virgins that were ten
but only five of them were glorified.

. . . : : : 6 : : : . . .

 The Six is for the six days it took God to create
 the Heavens and Earth.

. . . : : : 7 : : : . . .

The Seven is for the day God rested after working the six days.

. . . : : : 8 : : : . . .

 The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives, in which God saved the eight people from the flood that destroyed the earth for the first time.

. . . : : : 9 : : : . . .

 The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy. He cleansed ten but nine never thanked Him.

. . . : : : 10 : : : . . .

 The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone.

. . . : : : J : : : . . .

 The Jack is a reminder of Satan. One of God's first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell.

. . . : : : Q : : : . . .

The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.

. . . : : : K : : : . . .

The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.

. . . : : : 365 : : : . . .

 When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year.

. . . : : : 52 : : : . . .

There are a total of 52 cards in a deck, each is a week,
 52 weeks in a year.

. . . : : : Seasons : : : . . .

The four suits represents the four seasons:
 Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.

. . . : : : 13 : : : . . .

Each suit has thirteen cards,
 there are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter.

. . . : : : : : : . . .

 So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for." The sergeant just stood there and after a minute,
 with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart,
he said, "Soldier, can I borrow that deck of cards?"

Sunday, September 4, 2011

THESE QUOTES WERE REPORTEDLY TAKEN FROM ACTUAL FEDERAL EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS:

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom
   and has started to dig."

 2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

 3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been,
     but more of a definite won't be."

 4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered
    like a rat in a trap."

 5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

 6. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

 7. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

 8. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails
     to achieve them."

 9. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

 10. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

 11. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."

 12. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

 13. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

 14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

 15. "He's been working with glue too much."

 16. "He would argue with a signpost."

 17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

 18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

 19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored,
     he's the other one."

 20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

 21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

 22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

 23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

 24. "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

 25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

 26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

 27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

 28. "It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

 29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

 30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

 31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."

 32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

Friday, September 2, 2011

Good Advice

A corporate attorney sent the following out to the employees in his company:

 The next time you order checks have only your initials (instead of first name) and last name put on them. If someone takes your check book they will not know if you sign your checks with just your initials or your first name but your bank will know how you sign your checks.

 When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the "For" line. Instead, just put the last four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the number and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing channels won't have access to it.

 Put your work phone # on your checks instead of your home phone. If you have a PO Box use that instead of your home address. If you do not have a PO Box use your work address.

 Never have your SS# printed on your checks (DUH!) -- you can add it if it is necessary. But if you have it printed, anyone can get it.

 Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine, do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel.

 Keep the photocopy in a safe place. I also carry a photocopy of my passport when I travel either here or abroad.

 We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on us in stealing a name, address, Social Security number, credit cards, etc. Unfortunately I, an attorney, have firsthand knowledge because my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieve(s) ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more.

 But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know:

 We have been told we should cancel our credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them easily.

 File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where it was stolen, this proves to credit providers you were diligent, and is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).

But here's what is perhaps most important:
(I never even thought to do this)
 Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and Social Security number. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit. By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done.

 There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert. Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them in their tracks.

 The numbers are:

Equifax: 1-800-525-6285
Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742
Trans Union: 1-800-680-7289
Social Security Administration (fraud line): 1-877-438-4338


 We pass along jokes on the internet;
 we pass along just about everything.

 Pass this information along.
 It could really help someone you care about.

ok, find the cat...





answer tomorrow in case you need it.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

IMPORTANT: RECALL NOTICE

The maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component, or heart.


 This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed, Subsequential Internal Non-morality,' or more commonly known as S-I-N, as it is primarily symptomized by loss of moral judgment.


 Some other symptoms are:

(a) Loss of direction
(b) Foul vocal emissions
(c) Amnesia of origin
(d) Lack of peace and joy
(e) Selfish, or violent, behavior
(f) Depression or confusion in the mental component.


 The manufacturer, who is neither liable or at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service, free of charge, to correct this SIN defect, at numerous locations throughout the world. The number to call for the recall station in your area is: P-R-A-Y-E-R


 WARNING: Continuing to operate the human unit without correction voids manufacturer's warranty, exposing owner to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.


 For free emergency service, kneel and call on the name of J-E-S-U-S for prompt assistance at any location worldwide.