Monday, October 31, 2011

Dirt Roads

What's mainly wrong with society today is that too many Dirt Roads have been paved.

 There's not a problem in America today, that wouldn't be remedied, if we just had more Dirt Roads, because Dirt Roads give character.

 People that live at the end of Dirt Roads learn early on that life is a bumpy ride. That it can jar you right down to your teeth sometimes, but it's worth it, if at the end is home...a loving spouse, happy kids and a dog.

 We wouldn't have near the trouble with our educational system if our kids got their exercise walking a Dirt Road with other kids, from whom they learn how to get along.

 There was less crime in our streets before they were paved. Criminals didn't walk two dusty miles to rob or pillage, if they knew they'd be welcomed by 5 barking dogs and a double barrel shotgun.

 And there were no drive by shootings. Our values were better when our roads were worse!

People did not worship their cars more than their kids, and motorists were more courteous, they didn't tailgate by riding the bumper or the guy in front would choke you with dust & bust your windshield with rocks.

 Dirt Roads taught patience. Dirt Roads were environmentally friendly you didn't hop in your car for a quart of milk you walked to the barn for your milk. For your mail, you walked to the mail box.

 What if it rained and the Dirt Road got washed out? That was the best part, then you stayed home and had some family time, roasted marshmallows and popped popcorn and pony rode on Daddy's shoulders and learned how to make prettier quilts than anybody.

 At the end of Dirt Roads, you soon learned that bad words tasted like soap.

 Paved roads lead to stress and danger. Dirt Roads more likely lead to a fishing creek or a swimming hole.

 At the end of a Dirt Road, the only time we even locked our car was in August, because if we didn't some neighbor would fill it with too much zucchini.

 At the end of a Dirt Road, there was always extra springtime income, from when city dudes would get stuck, you'd have to hitch up a team and pull them out.

Usually you got a dollar...
 always you got a new friend...
 at the end of a Dirt Road.

 Written by Lee Pitts; broadcast by Paul Harvey

Sunday, October 30, 2011

That mysterious # sign

I’ve recently started using Twitter a lot and would sometimes see people who post a tweet using a hash symbol (#) before a few words…I never gave it much thought until another person on Twitter wondered what the hash symbol (#) meant.


Since I had seen it as well, I too got curious and so decided to do a little investigation…

here’s what I found…

The hash mark (#) before a word in a post allows you to tag that post for that word. However, in order to get tracked via a hash tag, you need to opt-in and follow http://twitter.com/hashtags.  Once you’re following Hashtags, every time you make a post in Twitter and tag it with a hash mark like so:  #iPhone, it will then show up as a real-time post on http://www.Hashtags.org.

If you then visit Hashtags.org, you can click on any tag and it will show you all of the posts that have been tagged with that keyword.

thanks to Kristine

Occupy Congress


Occupy Jupiter


Saturday, October 29, 2011

Problems; Solutions

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor!

 Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.)


Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


Problem: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Solution: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.


Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on back-order.


Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.


Problem: DME (Distance Measuring equipment) volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: DME volume set to more believable level.


Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for.


Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


Problem: Suspected crack in windshield.
Solution: Suspect you're right.


Problem: Number 3 engine missing.
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


Problem: Aircraft handles funny.
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


Problem: Target radar hums.
Solution: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


Problem: Mouse in cockpit.
Solution: Cat installed.


Problem: Noise coming from under instrument panel.

Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Solution: Took hammer away from midget

Friday, October 28, 2011

Did God Create Evil?

This will make you think for a while. At a certain college, there was a professor with a reputation for being tough on Christians. At the first class every semester, he asked if anyone was a Christian. Whereupon he proceeded to degrade any poor soul that timidly answered "Yes", mocking his/her statement of faith.

 One semester, he asked the question and a young freshman raised his hand when asked if anyone was a Christian. The professor asked, "Did God make everything, young man?"

 He replied, "Yes sir He did!"

 The Professor responded, "If God made everything, then He made evil." The student didn't have a response and the professor was happy to have once again proved the Christian faith to be a myth.

 Then another student raised his hand and asked, "May I ask you something, sir?"

 "Yes, you may," responded the professor.

 The young man stood up and said "Sir, is there such thing as cold?"

 "Of course there is, what kind of question is that? Haven't you ever been cold?"

 However, to the professor's surprise, this young chap replied, "Actually sir, cold doesn't exist. What we consider to be cold, is really an absence of heat. Absolute zero is when there is absolutely no heat, but cold does not really exist. We have only created that term to describe how we feel when heat is not there."

 Then the young fellow continued, "Sir, is there such a thing as dark?"

 Once again, the professor responded "Of course there is."

 And once again, the young lad replied "Actually, sir, darkness does not exist. Darkness is really only the absence of light. Darkness is only a term man developed to describe what happens when there is no light present."

 The final question posed by our young friend went like this, "Sir, is there such thing as evil?"

 The professor responded, "Of course. We have rapes, and murders and violence everywhere in the world, those things are evil."

 The student replied, "Actually, sir, evil does not exist. Evil is simply the absence of God. Evil is a term man developed to describe the absence of God.

 God did not create evil. It isn't like truth, or love, which exist as virtues like heat or light. Evil is simply the state where God is not present, like cold without heat or darkness without light."


 The professor had nothing to say............

Thursday, October 27, 2011

THE FRECKLED FACE BOY WITH RUSTY COLORED HAIR

 Where is that little boy who use to live here, did he move away?
 I see the old tree limb is still there; that's where he used to play.

That was his favorite horse, you know, and on it he'd ride and ride. 
And do you remember that old shaggy dog that ran faithfully by his side.

As I recall that boy had pale blue eyes and a sparkle was always there.
And he had freckles on his face with rusty colored hair.

That boy had dreams that were a mile long, and he just knew they'd all come true.
And Sometimes he's sit and share those dreams when his evening chores were through.

He talked about far off places as though he'd been there before,
And I guess there wasn't a place around here for miles he didn't twice explore.

You never saw his face that a smile was always there,
I sure miss that freckled face boy with the rusty colored hair.

You knew it was Saturday when you saw him coming down the road with a fishing pole in his hand.
I guess no one around liked fishing as much as that little man.



















He'd sit on the banks of Pearl River, right where it made two streams.
I guess that's where he put together all those wonderful dreams.

And without looking you just knew that old shaggy dog was there.
God! How I miss that freckled face lad with the rusty colored hair.


© M. Passman (used by permission)

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Grandpa's Hands

Grandpa, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. He didn't move, just sat with his head down staring at his hands.

When I sat down beside him he didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat, I wondered if he was OK.

Finally, not really wanting to disturb him but wanting to check on him at the same time, I asked him if he was OK.

He raised his head and looked at me and smiled. "Yes, I'm fine. Thank you for asking," he said in a clear strong voice.

"I didn't mean to disturb you, Grandpa, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK," I explained to him.

"Have you ever looked at your hands," he asked. "I mean really looked at your hands?"

I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I tried to figure out the point he was making.

Grandpa smiled and related this story: "Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled, shriveled, and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and grab and embrace life.

They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back.

As a child my mother taught me to fold them in prayer.

They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots.

They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent.

They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son.

Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special.

They trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse and walked my daughter down the aisle.

They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body.

They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw.

And to this day, when not much of anything else of me works real well, these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer.

These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of my life.

But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home.

And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of Christ."

I will never look at my hands the same again. But I remember God reached out and took my grandpa's hands and led him home. When my hands are hurt or sore I think of Grandpa. I know he has been stroked and caressed and held by the hands of God. I, too, want to touch the face of God and feel His hands upon my face.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

International Thinking At Its Best!

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: WHY??

Answer: An English princess

 with an Egyptian boyfriend

 crashes in a French tunnel,

 driving a German car

 with a Dutch engine,

 driven by a Belgian who was drunk

 on Scottish whisky,

 (check the bottle before you change the spelling)

 followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,

 on Japanese motorcycles;

 treated by an American doctor,

 using Brazilian medicines.

 This is sent to you by an American,

 using Bill Gates' technology,

 and you're probably reading this on your computer,

 that uses Taiwanese chips,

 and a Korean monitor,

 assembled by Bangladeshi workers

 in a Singapore plant,

 transported by Indian truck drivers,

 hijacked by Indonesians,

 unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,

 and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....

 That, my friends, is Globalization.

Monday, October 24, 2011

GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU SMILE

ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR
MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.

HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, "THAT'S
ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.*

BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE
THE ENIGMATIC REMARK "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY".

MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGH IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK
CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT.

HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN
EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS.

OVER THE YEARS MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS
TO WHAT THE 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY' STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.

ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY , FLORIDA , WHILE ANSWERING
QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-
YEAR-OLD QUESTION TO ARMSTRONG. THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED.

MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW  ANSWER THE QUESTION.

IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN, HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW.

HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY.
AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG
ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY.

"SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"

TRUE STORY.

(well, maybe not)

   


   



 

Sunday, October 23, 2011

A Police STOP at 2 AM















An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? 
Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

Saturday, October 22, 2011

The Right Doors Open


God's Story, Your Story You try one door after another, yet no one responds to your resumé. No university accepts your application. No doctor has a solution for your illness. No buyers look at your house.

Obstacles pack your path. Road, barricaded. Doorway, padlocked. Do you know the frustration of a blocked door?

God uses closed doors to advance his cause.

He closed the womb of a young Sarah so he could display his power to the elderly one.

He shut the palace door on Moses the prince so he could open shackles through Moses the liberator.

He marched Daniel out of Jerusalem so he could use Daniel in Babylon.

And Jesus. Yes, even Jesus knew the challenge of a blocked door. When he requested a path that bypassed the cross, God said no.

He said no to Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane so he could say yes to us at the gates of heaven.

It’s not that our plans are bad but that God’s plans are better.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.

And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

(Isa. 55:8–9 NLT)

Your blocked door doesn’t mean God doesn’t love you...

Quite the opposite. It’s proof that he does.

From God’s Story, Your Story
Copyright (Zondervan, 2011) Max Lucado

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Company Rules Effective Immediately

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.


SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.


PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.


VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec.25


BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.


ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.


RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.


LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.


Have a nice week.


The Management

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

CRABBY OLD MAN

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in North Platte, Nebraska, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.


Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Missouri.

The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Assoc. for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.

And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.


Crabby Old Man

What do you see nurses?  What do you see?
What are you thinking when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man not very wise,
Uncertain of habit with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice 'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice the things that you do.
And forever is losing a sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding the long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding,  as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters who love one another.

A young boy of Sixteen with wings on his feet.
Dreaming that soon now a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide and a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me my wife is now dead.
I look at the future shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own.
And I think of the years and the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man and nature is cruel.
'Tis jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart.
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young guy still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living life over again.

I think of the years, all too few gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people, open and see.
Not a crabby old man. Look closer, see ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet
an older person who you might brush aside
without looking at the young soul within .

We will all, one day, be there, too!

PLEASE SHARE THIS POEM

The best and most beautiful things of
this world can't be seen or touched.
They must be felt by the heart.

Monday, October 17, 2011

HEAVEN'S GROCERY STORE

I was walking down life's highway a long time ago.

 One day I saw a sign that read,

 "Heaven's Grocery Store".

 I got a little closer, the door came open wide;

 And when I came to myself, I was standing inside.

I saw a host of Angels, they were standing everywhere;

 One handed me a basket and said.

 "My Child shop with care",

 Everything a Christian needed was in that Grocery Store; and

 all you couldn't carry, you could come back the next day for.

 First, I got some Patience, Love was in the same row.

 Further down was Understanding, you need that everywhere you go.

 I got a box or two of Wisdom, a bag or two of Faith,

I just couldn't miss the Holy Ghost for it was all over the place.

 I stopped to get some  Strength & Courage to help me run the race,

 By then my basket was getting full,


But I remembered I needed some Grace.

 I didn't forget Salvation, for Salvation that was free.

 So I tried to get enough of that to save both you and me.

 Then, I started up to the counter to pay my grocery bill

 For I thought I had everything to do My Father's Will .

 As I went up the aisle, I saw a Prayer and, I just had to put that in,

 For I knew when I stepped outside. I would run right into sin, 


Peace and Joy were plentiful. They were on the last shelf.

Song and Praises were hanging near so I just helped myself.

Then, I said to the Angel,

 "Now how much do I owe you" .  He just smiled and said.

 "Just take them everywhere you go".

 Again, I smiled at him and said,

 "Just how much do I owe you"?

 He smiled again and said,

 "My Child, Jesus paid your bill a long long time ago".

Saturday, October 15, 2011

We did OK back then....what's with now?

My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes too, but I can't remember getting E-coli.

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), the term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.

We all took gym, not PE... and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now. Flunking gym was not an option... even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.

Every year, someone taught the whole school a lesson by running in the halls with leather soles on linoleum tile and hitting the wet spot. How much better off would we be today if we only knew we could have sued the school system.

Speaking of school, we all said prayers and the pledge and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention. We must have had horribly damaged psyches. I can't understand it. Schools didn't offer 14 year olds an abortion or condoms (we wouldn't have known what either was anyway) but they did give us a couple of baby aspirin and cough syrup if we started getting the sniffles. What an archaic health system we had then.

Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself. I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, PlayStation, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital cable stations. I must be repressing that memory as I try to rationalize through the denial of the dangers could have befallen us as we trekked off each day about a mile down the road to some guy's vacant 20, built forts out of branches and pieces of plywood, made trails, and fought over who got to be the Lone Ranger. What was that property owner thinking, letting us play on that lot. He should have been locked up for not putting up a fence around the property, complete with a self-closing gate and an infrared intruder alarm.

Oh yeah... and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed! We played king of the hill on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome and then we got our butt spanked. Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got our butt spanked (physical abuse) here too ... and then we got but spanked again when we got home.

Mom invited the door to door salesman inside for coffee, kids choked down the dust from the gravel driveway while playing with Tonka trucks (remember why Tonka trucks were made tough... it wasn't so that they could take the rough Berber in the family room), and Dad drove a car with leaded gas.

Our music had to be left inside when we went out to play and I am sure that I nearly exhausted my imagination a couple of times when we went on two week vacations. I should probably sue the folks now for the danger they put us in when we all slept in campgrounds in the family tent. Summers were spent behind the push lawnmower and I didn't even know that mowers came with motors until I was 13 and we got one without an automatic blade-stop or an auto-drive.

How sick were my parents? Of course my parents weren't the only psychos. I recall Donny Reynolds from next-door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that we needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes?

We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!

How did we survive?

Thursday, October 13, 2011

How About "Occupy Washington"?

With the Solyndra scandal still swirling, the Obama administration is under pressure to reveal the financial condition of the solar companies that received $4.75 billion in similar federal loan guarantees on the last day of the program.

Republican lawmakers on two House committees are seeking details about the loans given to First Solar, SunPower Corp. and ProLogis. Of those three companies, troubling financial revelations have emerged about SunPower, which received a $1.2 billion loan, more than twice the money approved for Solyndra, which filed for bankruptcy last month after receiving a $528 million loan.


The Energy Department says on its website that the $1.2 billion loan to help build the California Valley Solar Ranch in San Luis Obispo County, a project that will help create 15 permanent jobs, which adds up to the equivalent of $80 million in taxpayer money for each job.


$80 million in taxpayer money for each job...  
But the Energy Department stands by the project.

More political stories, etc HERE:
http://iwillrememberinnovember.net/

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The Old Pastor


An old pastor lay dying.  He sent a message for an Internal Revenue Service agent and his lawyer to come to the hospital

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room.  As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The pastor grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old man would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled because the pastor had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the Lawyer asked, “Pastor, why did you ask the two of us to come here”? The old pastor mustered all his strength, and then said weakly, “Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s how I’d like to go”.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Why Computers Sometimes Crash! by Dr. Seuss.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort,
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.



If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash,
 then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!



If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.



And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
 so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse;
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.



When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk,
and the macro code instructions is causing unnecessary risk,
then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
and then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!



Well, that certainly clears things up for me.
How about you?


Sunday, October 9, 2011

The Talking Dog

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.  The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'  

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'

  'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'


The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Happy Fall Everyone from Max...


Happy Fall!


























Being Religious is like being a pumpkin. God lifts you up,
takes you in and washes all the dirt off of you. He opens you
up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff...
including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc. Then He carves
you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you to shine for
all the world to see. This was passed on to me from another
pumpkin. Now, it is your turn to pass it to a pumpkin. I liked
this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch. 
Happy Fall!

Friday, October 7, 2011

T-bone Steaks, Yellow Roses and Friendship

Here's to T-bone steaks, yellow roses and friendship.

 I walked into the grocery store not particularly interested in buying groceries. I wasn't hungry. The pain of losing my husband of 7 years was still too raw. And this grocery store held so many sweet memories.

 He often came with me and almost every time he'd pretend to go off and look for something special.

 I knew what he was up to. I'd always spot him walking down the aisle with the three yellow roses in his hands.

 He knew I loved yellow roses.

 With a heart filled with grief, I only wanted to buy my few items and leave, but even grocery shopping was different since he had passed on. Shopping for one took time, a little more thought than it had for two. Standing by the meat, I searched for the perfect small steak and remembered how he had loved his steak.

 Suddenly a woman came beside me. She was blonde, slim and lovely in a soft green pantsuit.

 I watched as she picked up a large pack of T-bones, dropped them in her basket, hesitated, and then put them back.. She turned to go and once again reached for the pack of steaks.

 She saw me watching her and she smiled.

 "My husband loves T-bones, but honestly, at these prices, I don't know."

 I swallowed the emotion down my throat and met her pale blue eyes. "My husband passed away eight days ago," I told her. Glancing at the package in her hands, I fought to control the tremble in my voice. "Buy him the steaks. And cherish every moment you have together."

 She shook her head and I saw the emotion in her eyes as she placed the package in her basket and wheeled away.

 I turned and pushed my cart across the length of the store to the dairy products. There I stood, trying to decide which size milk I should buy.

 Quart, I finally decided and moved on to the ice cream. If nothing else, I could always fix myself an ice cream cone. I placed the ice cream in my cart and looked down the aisle toward the front.

 I saw first the green suit, then recognized the pretty lady coming towards me. In her arms she carried a package. On her face was the brightest smile I had ever seen.

 I would swear a soft halo encircled her blonde hair as she kept walking toward me, her eyes holding mine. As she came closer, I saw what she held and tears began misting in my eyes.

 "These are for you," she said and placed three beautiful long stemmed yellow roses in my arms. "When you go through the line, they will know these are paid for." She leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek,then smiled again.

 I wanted to tell her what she'd done, what the roses meant, but still unable to speak, I watched as she walked away as tears clouded my vision.

 I looked down at the beautiful roses nestled in the green tissue wrapping and found it almost unreal.

 How did she know? Suddenly the answer seemed so clear. I wasn't alone. Oh, you haven't forgotten me, have you? I whispered, with tears in my eyes. He was still with me, and she was his angel.

 Every day be thankful for what you have and who you are .

 (Please read all of this, it is really nice)

 This is a simple request. If you appreciate life, send this to your friends, including the person that sent it to you.

 Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings. Thank you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.

 Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as long as possible. Thank you, Lord, that I can see. Many are blind.

 Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising. Thank you, Lord, that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.

 Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast is burned and tempers are short, my children are so loud. Thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.

 Even though our breakfast table never looks like the pictures in magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced. Thank you, Lord, for the food we have. There are many who are hungry.

 Even though the routine of my job often is monotonous. Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to work. There are many who have no job.

 Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances were not so modest. Thank you, Lord, for life.

 Pass this on to the friends you know. It might help a bit to make this world a better place to live, right? A friend is someone we turn to when our spirits need a lift. A friend is someone to treasure.

 For friendship is a gift. A friend is someone who fills our lives with Beauty, Joy and Grace and makes the world we live in a better and happier place.

 YOU ARE MY FRIEND!



God bless you and yours!

 Now send this to every friend you have
and don't forget me . . .

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Steve Jobs 1955-2011


The son! The son! Who'll take the son?

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art. When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.

 About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands. He said, "Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art." The young man held out this package. "I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this."

 The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears.

 He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture. "Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift."

 The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.

 The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection. On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. "We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?"

 There was silence.

 Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, "We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one."

 But the auctioneer persisted. "Will someone bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?"

 Another voice shouted angrily. "We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Goghs, the Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!"

 But still the auctioneer continued. "The son! The son! Who'll take the son?"

 Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. "I'll give $10 for the painting." Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.

 "We have $10, who will bid $20?"

 "Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters."

 "$10 is the bid, won't someone bid $20?"

 The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son. They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections. The auctioneer pounded the gavel. "Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!"

 A man sitting on the second row shouted, "Now let's get on with the collection!"

 The auctioneer laid down his gavel. "I'm sorry, the auction is over."

 "What about the paintings?"

 "I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings. The man who took the son gets everything!"

 God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on a cruel cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: "The son, the son, who'll take the son?" Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.

 "FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD,
 THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON,
 THAT WHOSOEVER BELIEVETH IN HIM
SHOULD NOT PERISH,
 BUT HAVE EVERLASTING LIFE."
 ....... THAT'S LOVE!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

12 Signs of a Spiritual Awakening

 1. An increased tendency to let things happen

   rather than make them happen.


  2. Frequent attacks of smiling.


  3. Feelings of being connected with others and nature.


  4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.


  5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than
        from fears based on past experience.


  6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.


  7. A loss of ability to worry.


  8. A loss of interest in conflict.


  9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.


  10. A loss of interest in judging others.


 11. A loss of interest in judging self.


 12. Gaining the ability to love

      without expecting anything in return.
 

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

My Friends

I have a list of folks I know,
 all written in a book,
 and every now and then,
I go and take a look.

 That is when I realize these names,
 they are a part,
 not of the book they're written in,
but taken from the heart.

 For each name stands for someone,
who has crossed my path sometime,
 and in that meeting they have become,
the reason and the rhyme.

 Although it sounds fantastic,
for me to make this claim,
 I really am composed,
of each remembered name.

 Although you're not aware,
 of any special link,
 just knowing you, has shaped my life,
 more than you could think.

 So please don't think my greeting,
as just a mere routine,
 your name was not,
 forgotten in between.

 For when I send a greeting,
 that is addressed to you,
 it is because you're on the list,
of folks I'm indebted to.

 So whether I have known you,
 for many days or few,
 in some ways you have a part,
in shaping things I do.

 I am but a total,
 of many folks I've met,
 you are a friend I would prefer,
never to forget.

Thank you for being my friend !!

Monday, October 3, 2011

GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY!

Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it:


 Your words, your dreams, and your thoughts have power
 to create conditions in your life.


 What you speak about, you can bring about. If you keep
 saying you can't stand your job, you might lose your job.


 If you keep saying you can't stand your body,
 your body can become sick.


 If you keep saying you can't stand your car,
 your car could be stolen or just stop operating.


 If you keep saying you're always broke, guess what?
 You'll always be broke.


 If you keep saying you can't trust a man or trust a
 woman, you will always find someone in your life to
 hurt and betray you.


 If you keep saying you can't find a job,
 you will remain unemployed.


 If you keep saying you can't find someone to love you
 or believe in you, your very thoughts will attract
 more experiences to confirm your beliefs.


 Turn your thoughts and conversations around to be
 more positive and power packed with faith, hope, love
 and action.


 Don't be afraid to believe that you can have what you
 want and deserve.


 Watch your " Thoughts," they become words.
 Watch your " Words," they become actions.
 Watch your " Actions," they become habits.
 Watch your " Habits," they become character.
 Watch your " Character," for it becomes your "Destiny."


Sunday, October 2, 2011

Five lessons about the way we treat people

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.


During my second month of college, our professor

Gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student

And had breezed through the questions until I read

The last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the

Cleaning woman several times. She was tall,

Dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question

Blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if

The last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely, " said the professor.. "In your careers,

You will meet many people.  All are significant.. They

Deserve your attention and care, even if all you do

Is smile and say "hello.."

I've never forgotten that lesson.. I also learned her

name was Dorothy.



2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American

Woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway

Trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had

Broken down and she desperately needed a ride.

Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally

Unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man

Took her to safety, helped her get assistance and

Put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his

Address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a

Knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a

Giant console color TV was delivered to his home.

A special note was attached.

It read:

"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway

The other night. The rain drenched not only my

Clothes, but also my spirits.  Then you came along.

Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying

Husband's' bedside just before he passed away... God

Bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

Sincerely,

Mrs. Nat King Cole.



3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.



In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,

A 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and

Sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in

Front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and

Studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the

Waitress was growing impatient..

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on

The table and walked away The boy finished the ice

Cream, paid the cashier and left..  When the waitress

Came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the

Table.  There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,

Were two nickels and five pennies..

You see,  he couldn't  have the sundae, because he had

To have enough left to leave her a tip.




4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a

Roadway.  Then he hid himself and watched to see if

Anyone would remove the huge rock.  Some of the

King's' wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by

And simply walked around it..  Many loudly blamed the

King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did

Anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of

Vegetables.  Upon approaching the boulder, the

peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the

stone to the side of the road.  After much pushing

and straining, he finally succeeded. After the

peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed

a purse lying in the road where the boulder had

been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note

from the King indicating that the gold was for the

person who removed the boulder from the roadway.  The

peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.



5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a

hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who

was suffering from a rare & serious disease.  Her only

chance of recovery appeared to be a blood

transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had

miraculously survived the same disease and had

developed the antibodies needed to combat the

illness.  The doctor explained the situation to her

little brother, and asked the little boy if he would

be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a

deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will  save

her."  As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed

next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing

the color returning to her cheek. Then his face

grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a

trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the

doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his

sister all of his blood in order to save her.


Now you have choices.

pass it along or delete it...

Saturday, October 1, 2011

12 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO A COP

 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)



 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.



 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?



 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me.
Good job!



 5. Are You Andy or Barney?



 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.



 7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?



 8. I pay your salary!



 9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific.


The last officer only gave me a warning, too!



 10. Do you know why you pulled me over?

Okay, just so one of us does.



 11. I was trying to keep up with traffic.


Yes, I know there are no other cars around.

That's how far ahead of me they are.



 12. When the Officer says

"Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?"

You probably shouldn't respond with,

"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"