1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14 -16 men's work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads .......
Bertha, Duke, Slim, and I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad.
I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside.
Be right back.
- Billy Joe Bob