Tuesday, September 3, 2013

APHORISMS

 A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE THAT EXPRESSES
A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH

1. The nicest thing about the future is . . .
that it always starts tomorrow.


2. Money will buy a fine dog .. . ..
but only kindness will make him wag his tail.


3. If you don't have a sense of humor . . .
you probably don't have any sense at all.


4. Seat belts are not as confining . . .
as wheelchairs.


5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is . . .
when you're in deep water.


6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of
the dark . . to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?


7. Business conventions are important . . .
because they demonstrate how many people a company can
operate without.


8. Why is it that at class reunions . . .
you feel younger than everyone else looks?


9. Scratch a cat (or dog) . . ..
and you will have a permanent job.


10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy
  (or girl) . . .. who wants to buy a car.


11. There are no new sins . . ..
the old ones just get more publicity.


12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong
number at 4 a.m. . .. like, it could be the right number.


13. No one ever says "It's only a game" . . .
when their team is winning.


14. I've reached the age where . . ..
'happy hour' is a nap.


15. Be careful about reading the fine print . . .
there's no way you're going to like it.


16. The trouble with bucket seats is that . . .
not everybody has the same size bucket.


17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years . . .
we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
(And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)


18. Money can't buy happiness .. . ..
but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than
in a Yugo.


19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint . . .
you're probably dead.


20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind . . .. and the ones that mind don't matter.


21. Life isn't tied with a bow .. . ..
but it's still a gift.


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