Saturday, November 9, 2013

Signs you’re getting older

OK. Let’s not waste time and get right to the list starting with #25. 

25. You think a modem is a laxative.

24. You’re perplexed when you’re asked for the spelling of your last name and you reply, “It’s Pershing, like the general,” and the young whippersnapper asks, “General who?”

23. Having a nip and tuck here and there no longer seems like such a gruesome idea. 

22. You think Pearl Jam is a marmalade for your toast. 

21. Fiber once meant the type of fabric you wore.

20. Senior moments are more common than breathing. 

19. You try to turn a CD over to play side two. 

18. You feel nostalgic and you realize it covers more than six decades.

17. Your grandchildren’s history books have stuff in them that you’ve lived through. 

16. Comfortable shoes are the mainstay of your wardrobe.

15. Your doctor is writing more Viagra prescriptions for you than for Lipitor. 

14. Your bathroom is your library. 

13. You think Lady Gaga is one of Prince Andrew’s daughters.

12. You finally realize that having some intelligence really is more important than beauty. 

11. You have to have a kid explain what a smartphone is. 

10. You’re losing hair in some places and growing it in others.

9. It takes longer to put on your makeup than to work an eight-hour day. 

8. You think singer Snoop Dog is a new “Peanuts” character. 

7. Your favorite TV shows are on the History and Travel channels.

6. You want to deck the kid who asks, 
“Who’s Richie Cunningham?” 

5. And you really want to deck the kid who asks, 
“Who’s Ed Sullivan?”

4. Everything you eat contains some form of bran.

3. You start every story with “In my day ...” 

2. You think "Googling" is what you did in the back seat of a Ford or Chevy. 

And the No. 1 sign you know you’re getting older: 

Your arms aren't long enough to read the damn menu!

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