Thursday, February 28, 2013

A very ingenious advertising campaign


Colgate has created a very ingenious advertising campaign to promote their dental floss.

But ......
before I explain to you the main detail of these images,
I shall let you appreciate them quietly.







Alright, now that you've had time to quietly observe the images .......

* in the first photograph, you might have noticed that the lady has one finger too many on her left hand,

* in the second photograph,
the man has only one ear.

* and in the third photograph,
a phantom arm is floating behind.


The campaign attained its purpose.


It proved that food debris on your teeth draws more attention than any physical defect does.


How well did you do ??

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

"I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse....."


Within hours of the news that Tesco's 'all beef hamburgers'
contained 30% horse meat these quips hit the internet:


"I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse....."


Anyone want a burger from Tesco?  Yay or neigh?


Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle.


Waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my Burger. So I had a £5 each way!


Had some burgers from Tesco for my tea last night.... 

I still have a bit between my teeth.


A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat burgers from Tesco -
Her condition is said to be stable.


Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn


"I've just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer...

AND THEY'RE OFF"


Tesco now forced to deny presence of zebra in burgers,
as shoppers confuse barcodes for serving suggestions.


Said to the missus these Tesco burgers given me terrible trots.


To beef or not to beef. That is equestrian.


A cow walks into a bar. 

Barman says 'why the long face?'
Cow says 'Illegal ingredients, 

coming over here stealing our jobs!'


I hear the smaller version of those Tesco burgers make great horse d'oeuvres.


These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit.


Talk about flogging a dead.. agggghhh


NO! NO NO NO!




Sunday, February 24, 2013

A SOLDIER DIED TODAY

He was getting old and paunchy
And his hair was falling fast,
And he sat around the Legion,
Telling stories of the past.


Of a war that he once fought in
And the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies;
They were heroes, every one.


And 'tho sometimes to his neighbors
His tales became a joke,
All his buddies listened quietly
For they knew where of he spoke.


But we'll hear his tales no longer,
For ol' Joe has passed away,
And the world's a little poorer
For a Soldier died today.


He won't be mourned by many,
Just his children and his wife.
For he lived an ordinary,
Very quiet sort of life.


He held a job and raised a family,
Going quietly on his way;
And the world won't note his passing,
'Tho a Soldier died today.


When politicians leave this earth,
Their bodies lie in state,
While thousands note their passing,
And proclaim that they were great.


Papers tell of their life stories
From the time that they were young
But the passing of a Soldier
Goes unnoticed, and unsung.


Is the greatest contribution
To the welfare of our land,
Some jerk who breaks his promise
And cons his fellow man?


Or the ordinary fellow
Who in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his country
And offers up his life?


The politician's stipend
And the style in which he lives,
Are often disproportionate,
To the service that he gives.


While the ordinary Soldier,
Who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal
And perhaps a pension, small.


It is not the politicians
With their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom
That our country now enjoys.


Should you find yourself in danger,
With your enemies at hand,
Would you really want some cop-out,
With his ever waffling stand?


Or would you want a Soldier
His home, his country, his kin,
Just a common Soldier,
Who would fight until the end?


He was just a common Soldier,
And his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us
We may need his likes again.


For when countries are in conflict,
We find the Soldier's part
Is to clean up all the troubles
That the politicians start.


If we cannot do him honor
While he's here to hear the praise,
Then at least let's give him homage
At the ending of his days.


Perhaps just a simple headline
In the paper that might say:
"OUR COUNTRY IS IN MOURNING,
A SOLDIER DIED TODAY."



Saturday, February 23, 2013

The Imported food we eat


I recently saw a Food inspector on TV.... He said he had lived overseas and he had seen the filthy conditions their foods are raised and processed in.


It is enough to make you throw up. Some foreign workers have to wear masks as they work in these places, because the food is so rotten and filthy, it makes them want to throw up. Many of their fish on Fish Farms are fed raw sewage daily. He said he has seen so much filth throughout their food growing and processing that he would "never" eat any of It.

They raise this filth, put some food coloring and some flavorings on it, then they ship it to the USA for YOU to consume and feed to YOUR families. They have no Food & Safety Inspectors. They ship it to you to buy and poison your families and friends.

Green Giant frozen vegetables are from China, and so are most of Europe’s Best.       
Arctic Gardens are Okay. So is Birdseye.

Never buy the grocery store garlic unless it is clearly marked from USA or Canada, the other stuff is grown in people poop (even worse than chicken poop). China is the largest producer of garlic in the world. U.S. is next.

Buy only local honey, much honey is shipped in in huge containers from China and re-packed here.

Cold-FX is grown and packed in China and is full of fecal bacteria. Doesn’t work anyway, big scam. If the country of origin is not clearly marked beware. If produce, ask an employee.
Watch out for packages which state “prepared for”, “packed by” or “imported by”. I don’t understand the lack of mandatory labeling, especially the produce.
The country of origin should be clearly shown on the item in the store. I go to the local farmers’ markets in season and keep a wary eye open the rest of the year.

Please read this very carefully, and read to the very bottom. It’s important for all of us.

How is it possible to ship food from China cheaper than having it produced in the U.S. or Canada?

FOR EXAMPLE THE “OUR FAMILY” BRAND OF MANDARIN ORANGES SAYS RIGHT ON THE CAN ‘FROM CHINA’. SO, FOR A FEW MORE CENTS, BUY THE LIBERTY BRAND.

GOLD BRAND OR THE DOLE IS FROM CALIFORNIA. Beware, Costco sells canned peaches and pears in a plastic jar that come from China.

ALL “HIGH LINER” AND MOST OTHER FROZEN FISH PRODUCTS COME FROM CHINA OR INDONESIA. THE PACKAGE MAY SAY “PACIFIC SALMON” ON THE FRONT, BUT LOOK FOR THE SMALL PRINT. MOST OF THESE PRODUCTS COME FROM FISH FARMS IN THE ORIENT WHERE THERE ARE NO REGULATIONS ON WHAT IS FED TO THESE FISH.

Recently The Montreal Gazette had an article by the Canadian Government on how Chinese feed the fish: They suspend chicken wire crates over the fish ponds, and the fish feed on chicken s–t.

If you search the internet about what the Chinese feed their fish, you’ll be alarmed; e.g., growth hormones, expired anti-biotic from humans. Never buy any type of fish or shellfish that comes from these countries: Vietnam, China, Philippines.

Check this out personally. I did. Stienfeld’s Pickles are made in India – just as bad!

Another example is in canned mushrooms. No-Name brand came from Indonesia. Also check those little fruit cups. They used to be made in Canada in the Niagara region until about 2 years ago. They are now packaged in China!

While the Chinese export inferior and even toxic products, dangerous toys, and goods to be sold in North American markets, the media wrings its hands! Yet, 70% of North Americans believe that the trading privileges afforded to the Chinese should be suspended! Well, duh! Why do you need the government to suspend trading privileges?

SIMPLY DO IT YOURSELF, CANADA AND THE U.S.!

Simply look on the bottom of every product you buy, and if it says ‘Made in China ‘ or ‘PRC’ (and that now includes Hong Kong ), simply choose another product, or none at all. You will be amazed at how dependent you are on Chinese products, and you will be equally amazed at what you can do without.

THINK ABOUT THIS:

If 200 million North Americans refuse to buy just $20 each of Chinese goods, that’s a billion dollar trade imbalance resolved in our favor…fast!! The downside? Some Canadian/American businesses will feel a temporary pinch from having foreign stockpiles of inventory.

Just one month of trading losses will hit the Chinese for 8% of their North American exports. Then they will at least have to ask themselves if the benefits of their arrogance and lawlessness are worth it.

START NOW and don’t stop.

Send this to everybody you know. 
Let’s show them that we are intelligent



Friday, February 22, 2013

If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid


I've seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I've seen it with numbers.


Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD you have a strong mind.


And better than that: Alzheimer’s is a long, long, ways down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.




7H15 M3554G3 

53RV35 7O PR0V3 

H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N 

D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 

1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 

1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 

17 WA5 H4RD BU7 

N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 

Y0UR M1ND 1S 

R34D1NG 17 

4U70M471C4LLY 

W17H 0U7 3V3N 

7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, 

B3 PROUD! 0NLY 

C3R741N P30PL3 C4N 

R3AD 7H15. 

PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F 

U C4N R34D 7H15. 



To my select strange-minded friends:



If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid, too.


Can you raed  this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg.

 The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan  mnid , aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't  mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng  is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. 


The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is  bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe . Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

 If you can raed this forwrad it.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

COLUMBINE STUDENT'S FATHER 12 YEARS LATER !!

 Guess our national leaders didn't expect this. On Thursday, Darrell Scott,
 the father of Rachel Scott, a victim of the Columbine High School
 shootings in Littleton, Colorado, was invited to address the House
 Judiciary Committee's subcommittee. What he said to our national leaders
 during this special session of Congress was painfully truthful.


 They were not prepared for what he was to say, nor was it received well.
 It needs to be heard by every parent, every teacher, every politician,
 every sociologist, every psychologist, and every so-called expert! These
 courageous words spoken by Darrell Scott are powerful, penetrating, and
 deeply personal. There is no doubt that God sent this man as a voice
 crying in the wilderness.. The following is a portion of the transcript:


 "Since the dawn of creation there has been both good & evil in the hearts
 of men and women. We all contain the seeds of kindness or the seeds of
 violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the
 deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other      eleven children who died
 must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers.


 "The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abel
 out in the field. The villain was not the club he used.. Neither was it
 the NCA, the National Club Association. The true killer was Cain, and the
 reason for the murder could only be found in Cain's heart.


 "In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how
 quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am not a
 member of the NRA. I am not a hunter. I do not even own a gun. I am not
 here to represent or defend the NRA - because I don't believe that they
 are responsible for my daughter's death. Therefore I do not believe that
 they need to be defended. If I believed they had anything to do with
 Rachel's murder I would be their strongest opponent


 I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy -- it was
 a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where the real
 blame lies! Much of the blame lies here in this room. Much of the blame
 lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves. I wrote a
 poem just four nights ago that expresses my feelings best.


 Your laws ignore our deepest needs,
 Your words are empty air.
 You've stripped away our heritage,
 You've outlawed simple prayer.


 Now gunshots fill our classrooms,
 And precious children die.
 You seek for answers everywhere,
 And ask the question "Why?"


 You regulate restrictive laws,
 Through legislative creed.
 And yet you fail to understand,
 That God is what we need!


 "Men and women are three-part beings. We all consist of body, mind, and
 spirit. When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our make-up, we
 create a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to rush in and wreak
 havoc. Spiritual presences were present within our educational systems for
 most of our nation's history. Many of our major colleges began as
 theological seminaries. This is a historical fact. What has happened to us
 as a nation? We have refused to honor God, and in so doing, we open the
 doors to hatred and violence. And when something as terrible as
 Columbine's tragedy occurs -- politicians immediately look for a scapegoat
 such as the NRA. They immediately seek to pass more restrictive laws that
 contribute to erode away our personal and private liberties. We do not
 need more restrictive laws. Eric and Dylan would not have been stopped by
 metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stop someone who spends months
 planning this type of massacre. The real villain lies within our own
 hearts.


 "As my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw his
 two friends murdered before his very eyes, he did not hesitate to pray in
 school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that right! I challenge
 every young person in America , and around the world, to realize that on
 April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School prayer was brought back to our
 schools. Do not let the many prayers offered by those students be in vain.
 Dare to move into the new millennium with a sacred disregard for
 legislation that violates your God-given right to communicate with Him. To
 those of you who would point your finger at the NRA -- I give to you a
 sincere challenge.. Dare to examine your own heart before casting the
 first stone!



 My daughter's death will not be in vain! The young people of this country
 will not allow that to happen!"
 - Darrell Scott


 Do what the media did not - - let the nation hear this man's speech. 


 Please send this out to everyone you can.


Tuesday, February 19, 2013

2012 Tax Return

I just received my tax return for 2011 back from the IRS. It puzzles me!!!

They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.

I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependents?"


I replied: 


12 million illegal immigrants;
3 million crack heads;
42 million unemployed people on food stamps,
2 million people in over 243 prisons;
Half of Mexico;
and 535 persons in the U.S. House 

and Senate."


They said this was NOT an acceptable answer.


I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, 

WHO THE HELL DID I MISS?


















Monday, February 18, 2013

Missing Wife Found by Alaska State Troopers

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking  accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim faced Alaska State  Troopers.

 

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife",  said one of the  troopers.


"Tell me! Did you find her?", Wilkens  exclaimed.



The troopers looked at each other.



One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"



Fearing the worst, the ashen Mr. Wilkens said, 

"Give me the bad News first."

 

The trooper  said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning
we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay ."

 

"Oh my God!", exclaimed Wilkens.

 

Swallowing hard, he asked,
"What's the good news?"

 

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound King crabs and  6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

 

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"


The trooper replied, "We're gonna pull her
up again tomorrow."



Sunday, February 17, 2013

I TRULY DID NOT KNOW THIS!


Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips?



 

THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN  LAS VEGAS ,  BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.



NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS  PASSED.



SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.



 

THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.



 


THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.



 

YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU? --



GOTCHA!








 


Now it's your turn to tag someone else!

Have a great day!!!
 

Saturday, February 16, 2013

"Warshing Clothes" Recipe

Imagine having a recipe for this! 
Years ago, a Kansas grandmother gave the new bride the following recipe exactly as written and found in an old scrapbook ..... with spelling errors and all.


 


Build fire in backyard to heat kettle of rain water.

Set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is pert.

Shave one hole cake of lie soap in boilin water.

Sort things, make 3 piles -- 1 pile white, 1 pile colored, 1 pile work britches and rags.

To make starch, stir flour in cool water to smooth, then thin down with boiling water.

Take white things, rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, and boil, then rub colored don't boil just wrench and starch.

Take things out of kettle with broom stick handle, then wrench, and starch.

Hang old rags on fence.

Spread tea towels on grass.

Pore wrench water in flower bed.

Scrub porch with hot soapy water.

Turn tubs upside down.

Go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair combs.

Brew cup of tea, sit, rock a spell, and count yore blessings.




Paste this over your washer and dryer.

The next time you think things are bleak, read it again,
kiss that washing machine and dryer, and give thanks.


The first thing each morning, 

you should run and hug ......
your washer and dryer.

For non-Kansans - wrench means rinse.



Friday, February 15, 2013

His name was Ole.

 He was from Minnesota, and he needed a loan. So he walked into a bank in New York City and asked for a loan officer.


He told the loan officer that he was going to Oslo for the All-Scandinavian Summer Festival for two weeks, that he needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.


The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so Ole handed over the keys to his new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. Ole produced the title and everything checked out.



The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest. The loan papers were signed and a check was drawn to Ole. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.


Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at Ole from Minnesota for using a $200,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.



Two weeks later, Ole returned, repaid the $5,000 loan and the interest of $23.07, and got his car keys back.


The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a Distinguished Alumni from the University of Minnesota, a highly sophisticated investor and a multimillionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world.


Your investments include a large number of oil wells around Williston, ND. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000 and put up your much more valuable car as collateral. Can you explain that to me?"


Ole replied, "Ya, shure. Vere else in dis city can I park my car for two veeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be dere ven I cam bak?"


His name vas Ole. Keep yur eye on dem Minnesota boys! Yust because dey talk funny does not mean dey yust got off da l├╝tefisk boat.



Tuesday, February 12, 2013

On the Lighter Side: Little-Known WWII Facts


1. The first German serviceman killed in World War II was killed by the Japanese (China, 1937), the first American serviceman killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940), the highest-ranking American killed was Lt. Gen. Lesley McNair, killed by the U.S. Army Air Corps - so much for allies. If you include Pearl Harbor, Rear Admiral Isaac C. Kidd was the highest ranking American killed. He was killed on board the U.S.S. Arizona when the Japanese launched their surprise attack on December 7, 1941.

2. The youngest U.S. serviceman was 12-year-old Calvin Graham, USN. He was wounded and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age. (His benefits were later restored by act of Congress).

3. At the time of Pearl Harbor, the top U.S. Navy command was called CINCUS (pronounced "sink us"), the shoulder patch of the U.S. Army's 45th Infantry Division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train was named "Amerika." All three names were soon changed for PR purposes.

4. More U.S. servicemen died in the U.S. Army Air Corps than in the Marine Corps. While completing the required 25 missions your chance of being killed was 71 percent.

5. Generally speaking, there was no such thing as an average fighter pilot. You were either an ace or a target. For instance, Japanese ace Hiroyoshi Nishizawa shot down over 80 planes. He died while a passenger on a cargo plane.

6. It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every 5th round with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a mistake. Tracers had different ballistics so at long range if your tracers were hitting the target 80 percent of your rounds were missing. Worse yet, tracers instantly told your enemy he was under fire and from which direction. Worst of all was the practice of loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to tell you that you were out of ammo. This was definitely not something you wanted to tell the enemy. Units that stopped using tracers saw their success rate nearly double and their loss rate go down.

7. When the allied armies reached the Rhine River in Germany, the first thing men did was pee in it. This was pretty universal, from the lowest private to Winston Churchill (who made a big show of it) and Gen. George Patton (who had himself photographed in the act).

8. German Me-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City, but it wasn't worth the effort (?).

9. The German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.

10. Among the first "Germans" captured at Normandy were several Koreans. They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they were captured by the Russians and then forced to fight for the Russian Army until they were captured by the Germans and further forced to fight for the German Army until they were captured by the U.S. Army.


11. Following a massive naval bombardment, 35,000 U.S. and Canadian troops stormed ashore at Kiska, in the Aleutian Islands. Twenty-one troops were killed in the firefight. It would have been worse if there had been any Japanese soldiers on the island.


Credit Col. D.G. Swinford USMC (Retired). ©2003 DefenseWatch. 

Monday, February 11, 2013

Sunday, February 10, 2013

The Computer Swallowed Mama

The computer swallowed Mama,
Yes, honestly it’s true!
She pressed 'control and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.



It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.



I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.



In desperation, I asked Mr. Google
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online.'



So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Mamaw you should see,
Please 'Copy, Scan' and 'Paste' her,
And send her back to me.




We do not stop playing because we grow old;
We grow old because we stop playing ...




Saturday, February 9, 2013