Tuesday, July 30, 2013

I am from the goverment, and I am here to help!

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.


Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.





A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.




Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.




Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.




As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "




"No," the woman replied, 

"I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."



Monday, July 29, 2013

Some Vacation Ideas! (part 2)

i hope i don't slip

can you bring us more wine please?

i love these big upside down popsicles

and my next move is....

i hope i don't have to pee in the night

rock cliff jumping

see me fly, see me!!

go hug a tree

let's do some rock hanging camping

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Zip Lock Baggies...........who knew?

We went with friends to a restaurant on Sunday for lunch and sat in the patio section beside the store. We happened to notice zip lock baggies pinned to a post and a wall. The bags were half filled with water, each contained 4 pennies, and they were zipped shut. Naturally we were curious! The owner told us that these baggies kept the flies away! So naturally we were even more curious! We actually watched some flies come in the open window, stand around on the window sill, and then fly out again. And there were no flies in the eating area! This morning I checked this out on Google.



Below are comments on this fly control idea. I'm now a believer!
Zip-lock water bags:

#1 Says: I tried the zip lock bag and pennies this weekend. I have a horse trailer. The flies were bad while I was camping. I put the baggies with pennies above the door of the LQ. NOT ONE FLY came in the trailer.The horse trailer part had many. Not sure why it works but it does!




#2 Says: Fill a zip lock bag with water and 5 or 6 pennies and hang it in the problem area. In my case it was a particular window in my home. It had a slight passage way for insects. Every since I have done that, it has kept flies and wasps away. Some say that wasps and flies mistake the bag for some other insect nest and are threatened.




#3 Says: I swear by the plastic bag of water trick. I have them on porch and basement. We saw these in Northeast Mo. at an Amish grocery store& have used them since. They say it works because a fly sees a reflection& won't come around.




#4 Says: Regarding the science behind zip log bags of water? My research found that the millions of molecules of water presents its own prism effect and given that flies have a lot of eyes, to them it's like a zillion disco balls reflecting light, colors and movement in a dizzying manner. When you figure that flies are prey for many other bugs, animals, birds, etc., they simply won't take the risk of being around that much perceived action. I moved to a rural area and thought these "hillbillies" were just yanking my city boy chain but I tried it and it worked immediately! We went from hundreds of flies to seeing the occasional one, but he didn't hang around long.





The Pilot and the Priest

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. 


Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses,
a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.



Saint Peter addresses this cool guy,



 'Who are you,  so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ? '



The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston .'


Saint Peter consults his list.

He smiles and says to the pilot,
'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.



' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.




Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out,
'I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.'



Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest,
 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.



'Just a minute,' says the good father. 



 'That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood.  


How can this be?


'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter. 


'When you preached - people slept. 


When he flew, people prayed.'








I knew you'd like it!



Saturday, July 27, 2013

A Very Rugged Woman

During her annual medical examination, a doctor asked a middle-aged woman about her physical activity level.

The woman said she spent 3 days a week, every week in the outdoors.


When asked for a description of what she did on those days,
she said, "Well, yesterday afternoon was typical;
I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.


 I waded along the edge of a lake.


I pushed my way through 2 miles of brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes.


 I barely avoided stepping on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills.


I went to the bathroom behind some big trees.


I ran away from an irate bunch of bees, and then ran away from one angry skunk.


 The mental stress of it all left me shattered.
At the end of it all, I drank a scotch and three glasses of wine."


Amazed by the story, the doctor said,
"You must be one hell of an outdoor woman!"


"No," the woman replied, "I'm just a really, really poor golfer".

Friday, July 26, 2013

Tricks For Eating Less

It's not just the food...

Author: Bonnie Liebman

  Here are some of the provocative findings about portion control from the research of Cornell University’s Brian Wansink:

•    Big servings. People who were given a big bucket of (stale) popcorn ate 34 percent more than people who got a smaller bucket.

•    Fancy names. Cafeteria sales jumped by 27 percent when foods were given descriptive names like “Succulent Italian Seafood Filet” (instead of “Seafood Filet”) or “Belgian Black Forest Cake” (instead of “Chocolate Cake”).

•    More variety, more calories. People ate about 40 percent more if they had a choice of candy that came in six different colors than if the candy came in four colors.

•    Plateware matters. When people were served a brownie on a Wedgwood china plate, they rated its taste higher than when the brownie was served on a paper plate or napkin.

•    Food on the table. Men ate about 29 percent more—and women about 10 percent more—if the serving dish was left on the table (rather than the counter).

•    Who sets the pace? People ate more when they sat at a table with someone who ate quickly than with someone who ate slowly.

•    How much did I eat? People ate fewer chicken wings if they could see the bones of the wings they’d already eaten than if the bones were whisked away.

•    Healthy restaurant? People who believed that Subway meals were healthy underestimated the calories in Subway meals more than they underestimated the calories in McDonald’s meals.

•    Health halo. If a bag of M&M’s or trail mix was labeled “low-fat,” people ate more than if the label didn’t say “low-fat.”

•    Exercise rewards. People ate more at dinner—and especially more dessert—after they went on a “scenic walk” than after they went on an (identical) “exercise” walk.

•    Cover up. Covering the clear window of an ice cream freezer with butcher paper led people to take 30 percent less ice cream from it.

Brian Wansink is the John S. Dyson Professor of Marketing in the Applied Economics and Management Department at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York, where he directs the Food and Brand Lab. He was the executive director of the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion from 2007 to 2009, and is the author of Mindless Eating–Why We Eat More Than We Think (Bantam-Dell, 2006) and the forthcoming Slim by Design: Mindless Eating Solutions for Everyday Life (William-Morrow, 2013).


Thursday, July 25, 2013

Some Vacation Ideas! (part 1)

Bike trail on the Cliffs of Moher

Glacierboarding

Alex Honnold at Yosemite

Skywalking on Mount Nimbus in Canada

A death-defying act by Eskil Rønningsbakken in Norway

Extreme skiing at Grand Targhee, Wyoming

On the Edgewalk in Toronto

Climbing Mt. Wellington

Tree camping in Germany

Vintage climbing photo taken from Gaston Rébuffat's book

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.


2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.


3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.


4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.


5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.


6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.


7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.


8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.


10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.


11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'


13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.


14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'


15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.


16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.


17. A backward poet writes inverse.


18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.


19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.


20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine.


21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'


22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'


23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.


24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'


25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.


26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.





Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Perfectly Balanced Stone Statues

He balances them and they balance him right back.  That is a relationship that has formed between Michael Grabb and his special art pieces.  Grabb makes most of his statues in the streams of the Rocky Mountains in Colorado . His is a Sisyphean work of piling and balancing the stones one on top of another.



This activity, he says, balances the material world with the spiritual one. On the one hand is the material nature that rocks symbolize, on the other, the perfect harmony and balance that comes from the spiritual world, as well as the connection to the natural world.


The results are fantastic and creative, when we see his implausible creations.




















Monday, July 22, 2013

Our New Society



WELCOME TO THE 21ST CENTURY!             

*Our Phones ~Wireless

*Cooking ~ Fireless


*Cars ~ Keyless


*Food ~ Fatless


*Tires ~ Tubeless


*Dress ~ Sleeveless


*Youth ~ Jobless


*Leaders ~ Shameless


*Relationships ~ Meaningless


*Attitude ~ Careless
             

*Babies ~ Fatherless


*Feelings ~ Heartless


*Education ~ Valueless


*Children ~ Mannerless


Everything is becoming LESS
but still our hopes are Endless.


In fact we are ~ Speechless.


AND OUR PRESIDENT IS
CLUELESS....
CLASSLESS....
AND USELESS !!!



Sunday, July 21, 2013

The Nun and the Machine

A nun was sitting at the airport, waiting for her flight to Chicago. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weighing machines that tells your fortune and thought to herself, 'I'll give it a try and see what it tells me.'



She went over to the machine, stepped up on the scale and put her nickel in, out came a card that read, 'You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, and you are going to Chicago.'




The nun sat back down. She told herself that the machine probably gives the same card to everyone. The more she thought about it the more curious she got so she decided to try it again: she went back to the machine and again put in her nickel. Out came a card that read: 'You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you are going to Chicago and you are going to play a  fiddle.'


The nun says to herself, 'I know that is wrong, I have never played a musical instrument even once in my life.' She sat back down.




From out of nowhere a cowboy came over and sat down, putting his fiddle case on the seat between them. Without thinking, she opened the cowboy's case, took out the fiddle, and started playing beautiful music.



Surprised at what she had done, she looked over at the machine, thinking, 'This is incredible, I've got to try this again.' Back to the machine she went, put in another nickel, and another card came out. It read, 'You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you are going to Chicago and you are going to break wind.' Now she knows the machine is wrong, as she thought to herself, 'I've never broken wind in public a single time in my life.' But getting down off the machine she slipped, and as she was straining to keep herself from falling to the floor, she broke wind. Absolutely stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself, 'this is truly remarkable. I've got to try this again'.


She went back to the machine, put in another nickel and another card came out. It read: 'You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you have fiddled and farted around and missed your flight to Chicago!'

 

Saturday, July 20, 2013

THE WORLD'S BIGGEST COMBUSTION ENGINE



Below is an eighty-nine foot long, forty-four foot wide, twelve cylinder engine and I would not be far off to state that this engine is as big as an office block!   


The ship is indeed built around the engine.  In the marine construction trade, all boats and ships including harbor tugs and fishing trawlers have the superstructure of the ship built around the engine. Three flights of stairs are needed for the mechanics to ascend to inspect the top of the engine. 


A four hundred ton crankshaft is about as serious as you want to get in the world of engineering.




Ship owners usually request an engine construction of a single engine unit and a single propeller design for ease of maintenance, and not surprisingly, any later troubleshooting. Below is seen a modern, big single, six bladed propeller of a super tanker. These are also some of the worlds largest propellers and weigh several tons each.









The main turbo unit is so huge a person could live inside it, the Wartsila-Sulzer RTA96-C turbo unit is shown below, with two guys standing on it for scale.



 In the image below a worker at the factory is finalising work on the ten cylinder engine block.  This image shows the piston sleeves, the worker could quite easily have a nap inside one of the cylinder bores and nobody would notice! The engine studs are more like telegraph poles! Everything is on a grand scale.



Below are shown the pistons that will soon be fitted into the engine. Unlike normal car pistons these three foot diameter pistons incorporate lots of holes and it is through these holes that oil is injected through valves to keep all the working parts at a maximum low wear tolerance.  Massive amounts of constant lubrication is absolutely necessary or these big engines would seize up rather quickly.





When a crankshaft weighs four hundred tons, then quality control needs to walk around to inspect it thoroughly before its lowered into the engine block.  Admittedly, this crankshaft will not be too easy to take back out again if its faulty.





100,000 horse power was actually achieved on a test bed in the workshop with the fourteen cylinder model, running the engine flat out at just under 102 rpm.  Indeed 102 rpm may be slow compared to a normal sized car engine that operates at about 2500 rpm, but with an engine is as big as this, then fast engine revolutions are made obsolete by the fantastic power output.