Wednesday, May 14, 2014

PAY BACK AT ITS BEST. Divorce American Style

He spent the first day following the divorce packing his belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.
On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful candle-lit dining room table, put on some soft background music, and feasted on shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring water.  When he had finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.  He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When his ex-wife returned with her new partner, all was bliss for the first few days.  Then slowly the house began to smell.  They tried everything - cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out.  Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam-cleaned.  Air fresheners were hung everywhere.  Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days.  In the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.  Nothing worked!
Friends quit coming to visit.  Repairmen refused to work in the house.  The maid quit.  Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.  Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.  Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-husband called and asked his ex-wife how things were going.  She told him the saga of the rotting house.  He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly and asked if they would be willing to reduce their divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house.  Thinking he had no idea how bad the smell was, they agreed on a price that was about one-tenth of what the house had been worth, but only if he were to sign the papers that very day.  He agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. 
A week later, the ex-wife and her partner stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.  And just to spite her ex-husband, she  even took the curtain rods!

I love a happy ending, don't you?  

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