Wednesday, December 31, 2014

8 Cool Ways to Repurpose Old Jeans

Denim is an extremely durable material that usually outlasts our use for them as jeans. So what do you do 
with old jeans that you can’t wear anymore? 
Here are some clever and crafty ideas!

Denim Bibs


Make Cute Coasters


Small Gadget Tote


Make place mats


Make hot pad/potholders


Sew some denim pockets to the side of a tablecloth


Denim Cut-Offs Wine Bag




Sunday, December 28, 2014

"4 Worms In Church"

Four worms and a lesson to be learned...

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis
 to his Sunday sermon. 

Four worms were placed into four separate jars. 

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. 

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. 

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. 

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. 


At the conclusion of the sermon, 

the Minister reported the following results:


The first worm in alcohol . . . . . . Dead . 



The second worm in cigarette smoke . . . Dead .. 



Third worm in chocolate syrup . . . . Dead







Fourth worm in good clean soil . . . Alive 


So the Minister asked the congregation, 

"What did you learn from this demonstration?" 






Maxine was sitting in the back, 

raised her hand and said . . . 

"If you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, 

you won't have worms!"



That pretty much ended the service!


 
Today is International Disturbed People's Day.

Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend... 

Just as I've done. 





Saturday, December 27, 2014

Volunteer fire fighters

One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.


When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."


But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.  Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.


From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.


Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides.  It was a performance and effort never seen before.


Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.


The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"


"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat old truck!


Friday, December 26, 2014

CHRISTMAS EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls. 


2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
 


3. if something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
 

4. as for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? 


6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
 


7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
 


8. Same for pies. Apple
, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day? 


9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

 
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read these tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. 
 

 
Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!" 


Have a wonderful Christmas season!