Saturday, February 28, 2015
Friday, February 27, 2015
Thursday, February 26, 2015
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Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Ben Franklin was a very wise man, and played an instrumental part of our country's founding. Being a renaissance man, he had ideas and opinions on just about every topic one could imagine. One of those topics was beer, which Franklin had a very enthusiastic view of. He reportedly said, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." We agree with this statement wholeheartedly, which is why we created these pub glasses with Franklin's insightful thoughts.
available from Patriot Depot:
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Could this be Marilyn before she was famous?
Buck nekkid! Nope. This nudie is now in her 90's.
It's BETTY WHITE
Looks like an unhappy little towhead.
Actually, he ain't nothin' but a hound dog.
An Indian maiden - -
But what tribe is she from??
She later joined the Kennedy Tribe.
Look very closely. Good Lord -
Is she wearing a swastika??
Just keep looking at that face -
And picture it with a mustache.
It's a big game hunter
A lover of the wilderness
And a future president.
The original Little Tramp
Famous in silent movies.
There's a silver spoon
In her mouth now.....
Just a lucky commoner
Who happened to snag a prince.
A girl on a swing
Just hanging around,
Waiting to be discovered.
B.M.P. (before muscle power)
She was a devout dancer
And made silent movies
Before she became famous
As JOAN CRAWFORD
The smart woman ?????
The ugliest baby on earth??
This little troll later contracted
Saturday Night Fever.
A genuine bow-wow.
Today he's considered to be
A real hunk
As Norma Jean Baker.
Monday, February 23, 2015
"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for the use of words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end. Here goes.
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
The batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
And the cream of the twisted crop:
Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
ALWAYS LAUGH WHEN YOU CAN
IT'S CHEAP MEDICINE
Sunday, February 22, 2015
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for
'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
There is the story of a pastor who got up one and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven.." School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the centre of attention.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's school lesson was about.
He said after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about., "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming." ========
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
When you carry the Bible, Satan gets a headache..... When you open it, he collapses..... When he sees you reading it, he faints..... When he sees that you are living what you read, he flees..... And when you are about to forward this message.... He may try to discourage you.!
Saturday, February 21, 2015