Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Designated Decoy

The Ontario Drunk

Recently, during a routine patrol, an OPP Patrolman parked down the
street outside the Legion Hall just off the main Street in Coldwater,

After last call, the Local OPP Officer observed a man leaving the Legion
Hall. The gentleman was so intoxicated that he could barely walk. He then
stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer
quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on
five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he fell

He sat there for a few minutes and then threw a hook and line out the
window and seemed to be trying to catch a fish.. A number of other patrons
paid no attention to this crazy drunk as they left the bar and drove off.

Finally the drunk started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was
a fine, dry summer night) flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of
times,honked the horn, and switched on the headlights.

He then pulled in the hook and line and moved the vehicle forward a few
inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes
as some more of the other patron vehicles left..

At last, the parking lot empty; he pulled out of the parking lot and
started to drive slowly down the road.

The officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the
patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over.
He performed a breathalyser test on the gentleman who cooperated fully,
and to his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man
having consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to
Headquarters. This breathalyser equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud Legionnaire, "Tonight I'm the
designated decoy."

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