Friday, July 31, 2015

70 foot Concrete Arrows

They come courtesy of the US Postal Service’s Air Force and will point you all the way across the continental United States.



They were constructed in 1924 to guide postal planes in the right direction as they carried mail from coast to coast.



These old planes couldn’t rely on radio as much at the time, so they used these arrows, along with beacon towers, to navigate. 




The arrows and beacons bisect the United States from San Francisco to New York City. 

















The towers were 50 feet tall and fixed with gas lights that could be seen from 10 miles away, in order to help lost pilots find their way. This is a model of the arrows and towers in their heyday. 


World War II brought new advances in radio technology that effectively made the towers and arrows system obsolete. The towers were mostly dismantled.


There has been an effort to restore and preserve some of them, however. Like this one in New Mexico complete with its generator shack. 



This is a pretty cool piece of history, even if it was short lived. To think of those early postal pilots navigating like this from coast to coast.


   

Thursday, July 30, 2015

The Truck Stop Cafe'


 For those who travel, often the best food is a truck stop.I wonder what the waitress would have to say if someone actually ordered their breakfast as this guy did?

 A trucker came into a Truck Stop Cafe' and placed his order.

He said , "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

 The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

 'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tires... Mean three pancakes; a pair of headlights... Is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards... Are 2 slices of crisp bacon!

 'Oh... OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

 The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for, Blondie?'

 (I love this  one...! )

 She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!


FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!


Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Obscure Engineering Conversions Factors



~ Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

~ 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup = Won ton

~ 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

~ Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

~ Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

~ Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

~ 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 Lite year

~ 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

~ Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon

~ 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

~ Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

~ Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line

~ 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds

~ 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
~ 1000 ccs of wet socks = 1 literhosen

~ 8 nickels = 2 paradigms

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

The Haircut ---

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.  His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.  The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that:

        Samson had long hair,

        John the Baptist had long hair,

        Moses had long hair,

and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
     


(You're   going to love the Dad's reply!




 "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"  




Monday, July 27, 2015

Scout Trip Letter from Camp

Dear Mom,
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.


Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.


Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?


The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.


We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.


We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.


Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.


This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.


Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.


Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works.


Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?


I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and   buy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.



Humor for the Ageless


















Sunday, July 26, 2015

An interesting read: CHURCH

 If you're spiritually alive, you're going to love this! If you're spiritually dead, you won't want to read it. If you're spiritually curious, there is still hope!


A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. 'I've gone for 30 years now,' he wrote, 'and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons, but for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them so, I think I' m wasting my time and the priests are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all.'


This started a real controversy in the 'Letters to the Editor' column. Much to the delight of the editor, it went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher: 'I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this... They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!' 



When you are DOWN to nothing....God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!



Saturday, July 25, 2015

A wandering baby owl runs into a cop in Boulder Colorado

A baby owl was off for a midday stroll when a deputy stopped to ask if he was doing all right.



“She asked you your name, Peter! 

JUST ANSWER.”


“HOOOO, HOOOO”


The deputy was very nice and just told him that it wasn’t very safe 
for babies to just wander in the middle of the road!


Friday, July 24, 2015

13 Colorful Facts About Crayola

Crayola is pretty deeply embedded in popular culture. In one study, 99 percent of polled households recognized the brand name. Despite the occasional drywall and nostril mishaps, Crayola has remained a childhood staple for more than 100 years, fostering creativity and keeping children calm in theme restaurants the world over. Check out these 13 facts about secret ingredients, fine art, and how to plan your next vacation around the world's biggest crayon.

1. THAT DISTINCTIVE CRAYON SMELL? IT’S BEEF FAT.

In a 1982 study conducted by Yale University Professor William Cain, Crayola crayons were among the top 20 smells most frequently identified by subjects. That unique odor is created in large part by stearic acid, which is a derivative of beef tallow—more commonly known as beef fat. The ingredient is used to deliver a waxy consistency.

2. THE FIRST BOXES WERE SOLD DOOR-TO-DOOR.

Crayons are believed to have been invented in the 1880s, but manufacturers Binney & Smith are credited with popularizing them: sensing they wouldn’t have long-term appeal with artists because of poor paper adhesion, the company decided to market to children and educators. The first eight-packs of Crayolas in 1903 were sold door-to-door for a nickel. That “Gold Medal” logo on the packaging? That refers to a win at the 1904 World’s Fair in St. Louis for the company’s dustless chalk innovation. Jack Daniel won the same award that year for his booze

3. EACH CRAYON USED TO BE HAND-ROLLED.

Most people assume the Crayolas of today are wrapped in their distinctive labels via industrial machinery, and they would be correct. But for the company’s first 40 years, no such technology existed. Employees (and farm families) had to hand-roll each label. Luckily, carpal tunnel syndrome hadn’t been invented yet, either.    

4. THE AMERICAN GOTHIC ARTIST ENTERED A CRAYOLA CONTEST.

American Gothic is one of the most recognizable paintings in the world, and its artist might be indebted to Crayola. When Grant Wood was just 14 years old, he took third place in a Crayola-sponsored drawing contest that offered up to $600 in prizes. Wood would later say placing in the contest inspired him to continue his art career.

5. ONE OF THEIR TOP EMPLOYEES WAS COLORBLIND.

Emerson Moser was with Crayola for 35 years before he decided to let the press in on a fun fact: he was colorblind. The diagnosis came during a company physical in 1953; Moser said his colorblindness wasn't severe, but he did have trouble discerning between slight variations in colors. He molded over 1.4 billion crayons for the company before retiring in 1990. Crayola asked him to donate his wax-covered work boots for their Hall of Fame.

6. THEY ONCE SMELLED GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT.

Always looking to offer variety, Crayola released a line of food-scented crayons in 1994. Dubbed Magic Scent, the wax sticks came in coconut, cherry, and licorice. But by July 1995, Crayola had taken them off the market. Parents feared kids would eat them—and indeed, roughly 10 of them did. Despite that statistically insignificant number, Crayola changed the scents to be less appetizing. Brown, for example, went from smelling like chocolate to smelling like dirt. Because “kids love dirt,” a company spokesperson said.

7. YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO USE THEM FOR MAKE-UP.

In spring 2014, Crayola had to issue a statement warning consumers not to use their colored pencils as eyeliner. Why? Several beauty bloggers had promoted the utensils as a cheap alternative to expensive make-up. But the pencils have been approved for illustrative purposes only; none have been designed or tested to use on one’s face.

8. THEY SELL TOOTHPASTE, THOUGH.

How's that for a mixed message? Crayola partnered with GUM in 2013 to offer a line of multi-colored toothpastes shaped like crayons.

9. THERE’S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO CREATE ART WITH THEM.

Artist Herb Williams is a Crayola loyalist, but not because he likes drawing with them. Williams buys the crayons in bulk and melts them down to create some dizzying, colorful sculptures. Some pieces have required up to 250,000 crayons, which means Williams actually has anaccount with the company.  The White House was so impressed with his work that theycommissioned several pieces for their permanent collection.

10. OPRAH GOT A CRAYON. (BUT YOU CAN’T HAVE THE CRAYON. ANDYOU CAN’T HAVE THE CRAYON …)

In 2006, talk show host Oprah Winfrey invited Sally Putnam Chapman, a relative of founder Edwin Binney, on her show to discuss the storied history of Crayola. Not wishing to come empty-handed, Chapman gave Winfrey a 64-count box of an exclusive, one-time-only Crayola variation: "The Color Purple."

11. THEY ONCE HAD A BOOGER-SCENTED CRAYON.

If Crayola knows one thing, it’s kids. And if kids know one thing, it’s how to be gross. In 2006, the company launched a line of Silly Scents crayons and markers intended to appeal to the Garbage Pail Kids demographic. One crayon was dubbed the "Booger Buster"; another was called "Alien Armpit." Another, equally appealing offering from the line: a pencil sharpener that belched.

12. LEFTOVER CRAYONS ARE CALLED “LEFTOLAS.”

Kids and smokers have one thing in common: they’re not sure what to do once their object of choice is down to a nub. Crayons too small to grasp or too flat to draw with are usually cast aside for a fresh box. In 2002, the company debuted the Crayola Crayon Maker, which allowed children to create new crayons from their cast-offs using a 60-watt bulb, Easy-Bake Oven style.

13. “LEFTOLAS” WERE USED TO MAKE THE WORLD’S BIGGEST CRAYON.

During their 100th anniversary in 2003, Binney & Smith asked children around the country to send in their unwanted blue Leftolas. The mission: to create a crayon so big it would practically write its own press release. Crayola got the equivalent of 123,000 crayons, which they fused together to create Big Blue, a 1,500-pound monster that measured 15 feet long and was 16 inches in diameter. Crayola fanatics can visit the monstrosity at the Crayola Experience tour in Easton, Pennsylvania. Why blue? It happens to be Crayola’s most popular color. Eat it, Magenta!   





Thursday, July 23, 2015

Bill and Satan


A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. 

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for Bill Clinton who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence..
  
So Satan walked up to Bill and said, 'Do you know who I am?' 

Clinton replied, 'Yep, sure do.' 

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked. 

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the calm as a clam Clinton. 

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned Bill, in an even tone. 

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?  persisted Satan. 

'Yep,' was the calm reply. 

'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said Bill. 

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?' 

Bill Clinton calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for over 30 years.' 

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Problems With My S&W .357


Today I placed my S&W .357 Revolver on the table right next to my front door. I left 6 cartridges beside it, then left it alone and went about my business. 

While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard,a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign near the front of my house. After about an hour, I checked on the gun. 

It was still sitting there, right where I had left it. It hadn't moved itself outside. It certainly hadn't killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had presented to do so. 

In fact, it hadn't even loaded itself. Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the hype by the Left and the Media about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people. Either the media is wrong or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the world.

The United States is 3rd in Murders throughout the World.

But if you take out just 4 cities: Chicago, Detroit, Washington DC and New Orleans, the United States is 4th from the bottom, in the entire world, for Murders. 

These 4 Cities also have the toughest Gun Control Laws in the U.S. ALL 4 of these cities are controlled by Democrats. 

It would be absurd to draw any conclusions from this data right? 

Well, I'm off to check on my spoons. I hear they're making people fat.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Sounds like he is doing the humane thing here!

This guy posted an amazing Craig's List ad when his girlfriend wanted him to get rid of his dog.  


Monday, July 20, 2015

The Redhead


A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.  He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.


"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you”, she says. 


They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. 


After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like
to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful time. 


The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the
trimmings. The guy is amazed.  Everything had been SO incredible!


"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?"  "No," she replies. . . ."You just happened to catch my eye."


Sunday, July 19, 2015

Thinking of where to retire ?

You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where...

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.

2. You've experienced condensation on your butt  from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

OR

You can retire to California where...

1. You make over $450,000 a year and you still can't afford to buy a house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where...

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ....

2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

3. You think Central Park is "nature."

4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car).

6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Minnesota where...

1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. 

2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.

3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.

6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different, she is different or, it was different!"
  
7.   You end sentences with the word “then”: "I’ll see you all tomorrow, then!"
OR

You can retire to The Deep South where...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.

3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.

4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

5. Everywhere is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder".

OR

You can retire to Colorado where...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to the Nebraska where...

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" 

OR

FINALLY, you can retire to Florida where...

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.


Saturday, July 18, 2015

Anybody for eating out tonight?

It's something you touch every time you go in a restaurant. And you handle it first, so it's sort of like a germ-laden appetizer.

And I'm not talking about week-old sushi, either.

It's a bacteria magnet that's apt to have far more microbes on it than a toilet seat!

Give up?

 
It's the menu...

If you were planning to make a germ-transfer device, you couldn't do better than a restaurant menu. Everyone touches it, and it's almost never cleaned.

Dr. Chuck Gerba, a researcher from the University of Arizona, went undercover in three different states taking swab samples from frequently touched restaurant areas and items such as salt and pepper shakers, chairs, lemon slices and menus. And menus won the first prize, with a typical bacteria count of 185,000. To put that in perspective, Dr. Gerba said that's "about 100 times more bacteria" than is found on a typical toilet seat.

Other testing done by the New York University Microbiology Department found germy menus as well, but other results may surprise you. Ketchup bottles were relatively clean. But half the salt and pepper shakers
tested were contaminated. 

And the bathroom faucets and door knobs turned out to be the cleanest surface of all the places tested.

But the award goes to the lemon wedge. Believe it or not, half of the ones examined were contaminated with fecal matter. That might make iced tea the most dangerous thing on the menu!

Experts advise the same thing your mum said before EVERY SINGLE meal.

"Go wash your hands before you eat!" 

and I would add -- and after you read the menu!

Bon appetit !!!


Thursday, July 16, 2015

Why Are Public Toilet Seats U-Shaped?

There’s a difference between a public toilet and the one in your house, and it’s not the smell: their seats are shaped differently. Almost all public restrooms have what are called open front toilet seats, which are shaped like the letter u and have an opening at the front. Most private bathrooms, by contrast, have oval or round toilet seats that wrap all the way around the toilet. Why the gap?

The two-prong, open-front seat is required by the plumbing codes adopted by most public authorities in the U.S. “All water closet seats, except those within dwelling units, shall be either of the open front type or have an automatic seat cover dispenser,” as California’s state plumbing code reads [PDF]. The requirement was first included in the American Standard National Plumbing Code in 1955, and in the Uniform Plumbing Code in 1973, according toDan Cole, a Technical Services 

Manager with the International Association of Plumbing and Mechanical Officials (IAPMO).
This is largely a matter of hygiene. No matter what kind of junk you’re packing, u-shaped seats give you a little breathing room to avoid touching the seat with your genitals, and provide one less place for urine to splash.

Open-front toilet seats are largely designed to make it easier for women to wipe, according to Lynne Simnick, the senior vice president of code development at the IAPMO. The opening is designed to “allow women to wipe the perineal area after using the toilet without contacting the seat,” she says. So basically, open toilet seats are designed for front-wipers. (Clearly the ladies in question have not been lectured on how to prevent UTIs.)

U-shaped seats are also cheaper, since they use less material. And they’re less likely to be stolen, according to Roger Barry, the managing director of Healthmatic, a UK-based company that designs and manages public restrooms. Though I question why anyone would want to steal a public toilet seat, he says that theft is a major problem. “The appearance of u-shaped seats is something that has dampened in the UK,” he reports, mostly because public toilets are no longer fitted with toilet seats at all to combat stealing.

Indeed, we should be grateful to have any toilet seats at all in public washrooms.


Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Trivia Time

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. 

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. Reminds me of voters!

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. I know some people like this.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. 
(We'll have another in 2018.)

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

Speaking of 4,000 years, that is about the amount of time scissors have been around - invented in Asia.

If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open