Wednesday, November 30, 2011

God is never wrong!

A king who did not believe in the goodness of God, had a slave who,
in all circumstances, said: My king, do not be discouraged, because
everything God does is perfect, no mistakes!

One day they went hunting and along the way a wild animal attacked
the king. His slave managed to kill the animal, but could not prevent
his majesty losing a finger.

Furious and without showing his gratitude for being saved, the
nobleman said "Is God good? If He was good, I would not have been
attacked and lost my finger."

The slave replied:
"My king, despite all these things, I can only tell you that God is
good, and he knows "why" of all these things. What God does is
perfect. He is never wrong!"

Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his slave.
Later, he left for another hunt and was captured by savages who made
human sacrifices.

In the altar, ready to sacrifice the nobleman, the savages found that
the victim had not one of his fingers, so he was released. According
to them, it was not so complete to be offered to the gods.

Upon his return to the palace, he authorized the release of his slave
that he received very affectionately.

"My dear, God was really good to me! I was almost killed by the wild
men, but for lack of a single finger, I was let go! But I have a
question: if God is so good, why did he allow me to put you in jail?"

"My King, if I had gone with you in this hunt, I would have been
sacrificed for you, because I have no missing finger
; therefore,
remember everything God does is perfect. He is never wrong."

Often we complain about life, and negative things that happen to us,
forgetting that nothing is random and that everything has a purpose.

Every morning, offer your day to God, don't be in a rush.

Ask God to inspire your thoughts, guide your actions, and ease your
feelings. And do not be afraid. God is never wrong!

You know why this message is for you? I do not know, but God knows,
because he never makes mistakes.......

The path of God and his word is perfect, without impurities. He is
the way of all those who trust in Him, as he says in 2 Samuel 22: 31

What you do with this message is up to you. May God put in your heart
the desire to send it to someone. God knows why He choose you to
receive this message. Please bless someone with it.

God is never wrong!!!

(Never forget it)

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Creation Explained

  On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

 The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed.

 On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten."
 So God agreed (sigh).

 On the third day, God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain 20 people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span." Monkey said! , "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
 And God agreed again.

 On the fourth day, God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way, man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back, and the ten the monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?"
 "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal.."

 So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy, and do nothing. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family; For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.

Life has now been explained

Monday, November 28, 2011

Office Christmas Party

To:  All Employees
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd , at noon in the private function room
at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional Christmas carols...please feel free
to sing along.

And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as
Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m.

Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however,
no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for
everyone's pockets.

This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make
a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family

FROM:  Patricia Harris , Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 5th  December
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party.' The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There
will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other
types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patricia    .

FROM;  Patricia Harris , Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE : 6th  December

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking didn't sign your name. I'm happy
to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I
supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed since the
Union Officials feel that  £10.00 is too much and Management
believe £10.00 is a little cheap.


Patricia .

FROM:  Patricia Harris , Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 7th  December

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we have! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during day light hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate
our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on
serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package
everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will
that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table
closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other,
Lesbians do not have to sit with the gays, as each will have their own

Yes, there  will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too.

To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing
allowed. And No, no blow-up dolls.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food for fat people.
We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest people
with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits
as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?

Patricia .
FROM:  Patricia Harris , Human Resources Director
TO: All F***** G  Employees

DATE: 8  December

RE: The **** Holiday Party.

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not,  so you can
sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so
quaintly put it.

You'll get your salad bar, including organic vegatables, but you
know tomatoes have feeling, too.
They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing
them scream right NOW!!

Hope you all have a rotten holiday * drink, drive, and die!

The Bitch from HELL!
~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: 12th December

RE:  Patricia Harris  and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patricia a speedy recovery,
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party
and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with
full pay.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Do You Have The Time?

 I knelt to pray but not for long,
 I had too much to do.
 I had to hurry and get to work
 For bills would soon be due.

 So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,
 And jumped up off my knees.
 My Christian duty was now done
 My soul could rest at ease.

 All day long I had no time
 To spread a word of cheer.
 No time to speak of Christ to friends,
 They'd laugh at me I'd fear.

 No time, no time, too much to do,
 That was my constant cry,
 No time to give to souls in need
 But at last the time, the time to die.

 I went before the Lord,
 I came, I stood with downcast eyes.
 For in his hands God held a book;
 It was the book of life.

 God looked into his book and said
 "Your name I cannot find.
 I once was going to write it down...
 But never found the time"

Now do you have the time to pass it on?

Saturday, November 26, 2011

The "Old One" at Lone Pine Farm

A brother and sister had made their usual hurried, obligatory pre- Christmas visit to the little farm where dwelt their elderly parents with their small herd of horses. The farm was where they had grown up and had been named Lone Pine Farm because of the huge pine, which topped the hill behind the farm. 

Through the years the tree had become a talisman to the old man and his wife, and a landmark in the countryside. The young siblings had fond memories of their childhood here, but the city hustle and bustle added more excitement to their lives, and called them away to a different life. 

The old folks no longer showed their horses, for the years had taken their toll, and getting out to the barn on those frosty mornings was getting harder, but it gave them a reason to get up in the mornings and a reason to live. They sold a few foals each year, and the horses were their reason for joy in the morning and contentment at day's end. 

Angry, as they prepared to leave, the young couple confronted the old folks "Why do you not at least dispose of The Old One." She is no longer of use to you. It's been years since you've had foals from her. You should cut corners and save so you can have more for yourselves. How can this old worn out horse bring you anything but expense and work? Why do you keep her anyway?" 

The old man looked down at his worn boots, holes in the toes, scuffed at the barn floor and replied, " Yes, I could use a pair of new boots. 

His arm slid defensively about the Old One's neck as he drew her near with gentle caressing he rubbed her softly behind her ears. He replied softly, "We keep her because of love. Nothing else, just love." 

Baffled and irritated, the young folks wished the old man and his wife a Merry Christmas and headed back toward the city as darkness stole through the valley 

The old couple shook their heads in sorrow that it had not been a happy visit. A tear fell upon their cheeks. How is it that these young folks do not understand the peace of the love that filled their hearts? 

So it was, that because of the unhappy leave-taking, no one noticed the insulation smoldering on the frayed wires in the old barn. None saw the first spark fall. None but the "Old One". 

In a matter of minutes, the whole barn was ablaze and the hungry flames were licking at the loft full of hay. With a cry of horror and despair, the old man shouted to his wife to call for help as he raced to the barn to save their beloved horses. But the flames were roaring now, and the blazing heat drove him back. He sank sobbing to the ground, helpless before the fire's fury. His wife back from calling for help cradled him in her arms, clinging to each other, they wept at their loss. 

By the time the fire department arrived, only smoking, glowing ruins were left, and the old man and his wife, exhausted from their grief, huddled together before the barn. They were speechless as they rose from the cold snow covered ground. They nodded thanks to the firemen as there was nothing anyone could do now. The old man turned to his wife, resting her white head upon his shoulders as his shaking old hands clumsily dried her tears with a frayed red bandana.

Brokenly he whispered, "We have lost much, but God has spared our home on this eve of Christmas. Let us gather strength and climb the hill to the old pine where we have sought comfort in times of despair. We will look down upon our home and give thanks to God that it has been spared and pray for our beloved most precious gifts that have been taken from us. 

And so, he took her by the hand and slowly helped her up the snowy hill as he brushed aside his own tears with the back of his old and withered hand
The journey up the hill was hard for their old bodies in the steep snow. As they stepped over the little knoll at the crest of the hill, they paused to rest, looking up to the top of the hill the old couple gasped and fell to their knees in amazement at the incredible beauty before them. 

Seemingly, every glorious, brilliant star in the heavens was caught up in the glittering, snow-frosted branches of their beloved pine, and it was aglow with heavenly candles. And poised on its top most bough, a crystal crescent moon glistened like spun glass. Never had a mere mortal created a Christmas tree such as this. They were breathless as the old man held his wife tighter in his arms. 

Suddenly, the old man gave a cry of wonder and incredible joy. Amazed and mystified, he took his wife by the hand and pulled her forward. There, beneath the tree, in resplendent glory, a mist hovering over and glowing in the darkness was their Christmas gift. Shadows glistening in the night light. 

Bedded down about the "Old One" close to the trunk of the tree, was the entire herd, safe 

At the first hint of smoke, she had pushed the door ajar with her muzzle and had led the horses through it. Slowly and with great dignity, never looking back, she had led them up the hill, stepping cautiously through the snow. The foals were frightened and dashed about. The skittish yearlings looked back at the crackling, hungry flames, and tucked their tails under them as they licked their lips and hopped like rabbits. The mares that were in foal with a new years crop of babies, pressed uneasily against the "Old One" as she moved calmly up the hill and to safety beneath the pine. And now she lay among them and gazed at the faces of the old man and his wife. 

Those she loved she had not disappointed. Her body was brittle with years, tired from the climb, but the golden eyes were filled with devotion as she offered her gift--- 

Because of love. Only Because of love. 

Tears flowed as the old couple shouted their praise and joy... And again the peace of love filled their hearts.

Friday, November 25, 2011

The Tablecloth

 The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first ministry, to reopen a church in suburban Brooklyn, arrived in early October excited about their opportunities. When they saw their church, it was very run down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve.

 They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc., and on December 18 were ahead of schedule and just about finished. On December 19 a terrible tempest - a driving rainstorm hit the area and lasted for two days. On the 21st, the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high.

 The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home. On the way he noticed that a local business was having a flea market type sale for charity so he stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful, handmade, ivory colored, crocheted tablecloth with exquisite work, fine colors and a Cross embroidered right in the center. It was just the right size to cover up the hole in the front wall. He bought it and headed back to the church.

 By this time it had started to snow. An older woman running from the opposite direction was trying to catch the bus. She missed it. The pastor invited her to wait in the warm church for the next bus 45 minutes later. She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor while he got a ladder, hangers, etc., to put up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry.

 The pastor could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and it covered up the entire problem area.

 Then he noticed the woman walking down the center aisle. Her face was like a sheet. "Pastor," she asked, "where did you get that tablecloth?" The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check the lower right corner to see if the initials, EBG were crocheted into it there. They were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Austria.

 The woman could hardly believe it as the pastor told how he had just gotten the Tablecloth. The woman explained that before the war she and her husband were well-to-do people in Austria. When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave. Her husband was going to follow her the next week. She was captured, sent to prison and never saw her husband or her home again.

 The pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth; but she made the pastor keep it for the church. The pastor insisted on driving her home, that was the least he could do. She lived on the other side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn for the day for a housecleaning job.

 What a wonderful service they had on Christmas Eve.The church was almost full. The music and the spirit were great. At the end of the service, the pastor and his wife greeted everyone at the door and many said that they would return.

 One older man, whom the pastor recognized from the neighborhood, continued to sit in one of the pews and stare, and the pastor wondered why he wasn't leaving.

 The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on the front wall because it was identical to one that his wife had made years ago when they lived in Austria before the war and how could there be two tablecloths so much alike.

 He told the pastor how the Nazis came, how he forced his wife to flee for her safety, and he was supposed to follow her, but he was arrested and put in a prison. He never saw his wife or his home again all the 35 years in between.

 The pastor asked him if he would allow him to take him for a little ride. They drove to Staten Island and to the same house where the pastor had taken the woman three days earlier.

 He helped the man climb the three flights of stairs to the woman's apartment knocked on the door and he saw the greatest Christmas reunion he could ever imagine.

True Story - submitted by Pastor Rob Reid

Thursday, November 24, 2011








Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Christmas 2011 -- Birth of a New Tradition

As the holidays approach, the giant Asian factories are kicking into high
gear to provide Americans with monstrous piles of cheaply produced goods --
merchandise that has been produced at the expense of American labor. This
year will be different. This year Americans will give the gift of genuine
concern for other Americans. There is no longer an excuse that, at gift
giving time, nothing can be found that is produced by American hands. Yes
there is!

It's time to think outside the box, people. Who says a gift needs to fit in
a shirt box, wrapped in Chinese produced wrapping paper?
Everyone -- yes EVERYONE gets their hair cut. How about gift certificates
from your local American hair salon or barber?

Gym membership? It's appropriate for all ages who are thinking about some
health improvement.

Who wouldn't appreciate getting their car detailed? Small, American owned
detail shops and car washes would love to sell you a gift certificate or a
book of gift certificates.

Are you one of those extravagant givers who think nothing of plonking down
the Benjamines on a Chinese made flat-screen? Perhaps that grateful gift
receiver would like his driveway sealed, or lawn mowed for the summer, or
driveway plowed all winter, or games at the local golf course.

There are a bazillion owner-run restaurants -- all offering gift
certificates. And, if your intended isn't the fancy eatery sort, what about
a half dozen breakfasts at the local breakfast joint. Remember, folks this
isn't about big National chains -- this is about supporting your home town
Americans with their financial lives on the line to keep their doors open.

How many people couldn't use an oil change for their car, truck or
motorcycle, done at a shop run by the American working guy?

Thinking about a heartfelt gift for mom? Mom would LOVE the services of a
local cleaning lady for a day.

My computer could use a tune-up, and I KNOW I can find some young guy who is
struggling to get his repair business up and running.

OK, you were looking for something more personal. Local crafts people spin
their own wool and knit them into scarves. They make jewelry, and pottery
and beautiful wooden boxes.

Plan your holiday outings at local, owner operated restaurants and leave
your server a nice tip. And, how about going out to see a play or ballet at
your hometown theatre.

Musicians need love too, so find a venue showcasing local bands.

Honestly, people, do you REALLY need to buy another ten thousand Chinese
lights for the house? When you buy a five dollar string of light, about
fifty cents stays in the community. If you have those kinds of bucks to
burn, leave the mailman, trash guy or babysitter a nice BIG tip.

You see, Christmas is no longer about draining American pockets so that
China can build another glittering city. Christmas is now about caring about
US, encouraging American small businesses to keep plugging away to follow
their dreams. And, when we care about other Americans, we care about our
communities, and the benefits come back to us in ways we couldn't imagine.
THIS is the new American Christmas tradition.

Forward this to everyone on your mailing list -- post it to discussion
groups -- throw up a post on Craigslist in the Rants and Raves section in
your city -- send it to the editor of your local paper and radio stations,
and TV news departments.

This is a revolution of caring about each other,
and isn't that what Christmas is about?

Monday, November 21, 2011

WAGES and Budget Cuts

Salary of retired US Presidents ............$450,000  FOR LIFE

Salary of House/Senate members ..........$174,000  FOR LIFE

Salary of Speaker of the House .............$223,500  FOR LIFE

Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders ......$193,400  FOR LIFE

Average salary of a soldier Deployed in AFGHANISTAN - $38,000
Average income for seniors on SOCIAL SECURITY - $12,000
I think we found where the cuts should be made! 

If you agree... Pass it on!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

You think learning English is easy??

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Friday, November 18, 2011


Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired will be their laugh for the day!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Just Suppose

 JUST SUPPOSE that at every ball game, graduation, prom, etc, someone who has had enough of stupid, anti historical court decisions had the guts to start reciting the Lord's Prayer loudly, and others joined in, then more, until hundreds participated.

 And JUST SUPPOSE this spread all over our land until this became standard practice in hundreds of schools, then thousands, then tens of thousands.

 Just what would local school boards do? Expel half the student body? (They need their jobs and federal funding far too much to do that.) What would a Federal district court do? Order hundreds of nonviolent, decent minors jailed? Or thousands?

 Just what would the Supreme Court do about it - issue more edicts?

 What if millions decided the Supreme Court was out of its league and said, "So what?" JUST SUPPOSE hundreds of brave school board members, local judges, prosecutors, and others, each in their own area of authority, refused to intervene, realizing that we have already tried it the other way, and the result was a modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah of immorality and senseless violence.

 JUST SUPPOSE this then spread next into classroom after classroom, And either a brave student or a brave teacher started the Lord's Prayer (or Psalm 100, or a Bible reading, etc.) each morning, until hundreds of thousands stood up and did their part and stopped cowering before the destructive, God-hating secular attitudes of the pagan minority who parrot the media line.

 JUST SUPPOSE every God-fearing Christian participated-peacefully, nonviolently, but firmly and continually. Where would they get enough jails to hold us all? How would they prosecute hundreds of thousands?

 It is far more than the government can do to even stop the flow of illegal drugs, despite their best efforts, and overcrowded jails.

 Hardened criminals walk after doing only half of their sentence to ease jail crowding. Even if they try to pick on a handful to make examples of them,

 What if hundreds of thousands stood up to the tyranny of the minority and demanded their freedom of religion back? They can't build enough jails or courts to begin to deal with such a movement.

 During the Civil Rights battles of the 60's, some of the black people decided they had had enough and stood up to the system-a few dozen here, a few hundred there-and eventually the whole country heard, and repented, and changed. Racial repression was an evil whose time was over.

 But now, there is another battle-and the stakes are even higher. The future of all children, white, black, and otherwise, is at stake. No other country on earth allows a tiny minority of impractical anti-religious bigots to censor their people's right to free religious expression. Even Russian public schools show videos of the life and teachings of Jesus now.

 We tend to get exactly the kind of government we deserve.

 If you make a time line or a graph, you will see that the exponential increase in public school violence, pregnancy, and foul language all started at exactly the time the Supreme Court threw prayer and Bible reading out of the schools. We told God we didn't need Him, and the results speak for themselves.

 JUST SUPPOSE hundreds of Christians passed this message on to all their friends, leaders and contacts.

 JUST SUPPOSE hundreds of churches, organizations and ministries passed this message on to their constituencies with a request to reprint, repost and repeat it wherever possible.

 JUST SUPPOSE you are a lighthouse. Once upon a time the Church was the moral conscience and spiritual lighthouse of the nation. Now, most congregations are impotent, pusillanimous minor-league social welfare agencies or mutual comfort societies with no impact on the world around their little enclave.

 JUST SUPPOSE-What do you suppose you should do?


 Love in Christ Jesus,

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Veterinarian

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. 

It happened again the next week! 

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate.

This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated. 

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church." 

The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. 

But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? 

How much does he send you?"

The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week."

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; 

what does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money," the pastor said..

"Where does he practice?" 

The woman answered proudly, "In Nevada ..
He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas , and one in Reno ' 

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Puts our lives in perspective, doesn't it?

There  was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.

She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.

She told  her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was  able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying:
 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for  before they were yours, they were mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.

Only a very few remember what life was like before,
and who was always by their side in the most painful  situations.

Today before you say an unkind word -

Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food -
Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain  about your husband or wife -
Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a  companion.

Today before you complain about life -
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children -
Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty  house someone didn't clean or sweep -
Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job -
Think of  the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -
Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one MAKER.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down -
Put a smile on your face and thank GOD you're alive and still around.

And before you think of signing out,
Please think of sending this to at least ten people.

God Bless You .

Monday, November 14, 2011


1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

4. A tortoise doesn't run, and does nothing ... 
yet lives for 450 years.


I'm retired, Just go around me!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

God's Promises


INFALLIBLE AUTHORITY "Forever, O Lord, thy word is settled in heaven." Psalm 119:89

DEED OF INHERITANCE "And if ye be Christ's then are ye Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise." Galatians 3:29

GUIDE FOR LIFE "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105

STABILITY "What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

STRENGTH "My soul melteth for heaviness: strengthen thou me according unto thy word." Psalm 119:28


DISCOURAGED "Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me." John 14:1

WORRIED "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." 1 Peter 5:7

LONELY "I will not leave you comforless: I will come to you." John 14:18

DEPRESSED "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

DISSATISFIED "For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness." Psalm 107:9

CONDEMNED "Blessed is he whose trangression is forgiven, whose sin is covered." Psalm 32:1

CONFUSED "For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints." 1 Corinthians 14:33

TEMPTED "Thy word have I hid in mine heart that I might not sin against thee." Psalm 119:11

ANGRY "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath." Ephesians 4:26

REBELLIOUS "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." Ephesians 5:21


EXPERIENCING FEAR "In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me." Psalm 56:11

MENTALLY DISTURBED "Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them." Psalm 119:165

IN NEED OF COURAGE "I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord." Psalm 118:17

IN NEED OF PATIENCE "I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry." Psalm 40:1

IN NEED OF PEACE "Lord thou wilt ordain peace for us: for thou also hast wrought all our works in us." Isaiah 26:12

LUKEWARM SPIRITUALLY "Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast thy first love." Revelation 2:4

IN GRIEF "Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4

IN DOUBT ABOUT GOD "And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform." Romans 4:20, 21


YOU NEED CONFIDENCE "Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us." Romans 8:37

TROUBLES HIT YOUR LIFE "Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me." John 14:1

YOU HAVE A PHYSICAL SICKNESS "Who forgiveth all thine iniquites; who healeth all thy diseases" Psalm 103:3

YOU ARE IN FINANCIAL TROUBLE "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want." Psalm 23:1

WHEN YOU ARE HAVING MARITAL PROBLEMS "Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins." Proverbs 10:12

YOU ARE DESERTED BY LOVED ONES "When my mother and father forsake my, then the Lord will take my up." Psalm 27:10

YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND GOD'S WAYS "Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)" Hebrews 10:23

WAITING ON GOD "Our soul waiteth for the Lord: he is our help and our shield." Psalm 33:20


FAITH "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

LOVE "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

ETERNITY "And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son." 1 John 5:11

SERVING GOD "Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve." Matthew 4:10

OBEDIENCE "Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men." Acts 5:29

THE CARNAL MIND "There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death." Proverbs 14:12

THE GRACE OF GOD "Fools make a mock at sin: but among the righteous there is favour." Proverbs 14:9

THE HOLY SPIRIT "And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit." Ephesians 5:18

THE CHURCH "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for bethren to dwell together in unity! Psalm 133:1

STEWARDSHIP "If they obey and serve him, they shall spend their days in prosperity, and their years in pleasures." Job 36:11

SATAN "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7

THE RETURN OF CHRIST "Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ." Titus 2:13

THE UNSAVED "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

Saturday, November 12, 2011

God's Amazing Accuracy

Fascinating, I've never given most of this a thought!

God's accuracy may be observed in the hatching of eggs.

For example:

-the eggs of the potato bug hatch in 7 days;
-those of the canary in 14 days;
-those of the barnyard hen in 21 days;
-The eggs of ducks and geese hatch in 28 days;
-those of the mallard in 35 days;
-The eggs of the parrot and the ostrich hatch in 42 days.

(Notice, they are all divisible by seven,
the number of days in a week!)

God's wisdom is seen in the making of an elephant...

The four legs of this great beast all bend forward
in the same direction. No other quadruped is so made.

God planned that this animal would have a
huge body, too large to live on two legs...
For this reason He gave it four fulcrums so that it
can rise from the ground easily.

The horse rises from the ground on its two front legs first.
A cow rises from the ground with its two hind legs first.

How wise the Lord is in all His works of creation!

God's wisdom is revealed in His arrangement of
sections and segments, as well as in the number of grains.

-Each watermelon has an even number of stripes on the rind.
-Each orange has an even number of segments.
-Each ear of corn has an even number of rows.
-Each stalk of wheat has an even number of grains.

-Every bunch of bananas has on its lowest row an even number of bananas, and each row decreases by one, so that one row has an even number and the  next row an odd number.

-The waves of the sea roll in on shore twenty-six to the minute in all kinds of weather.

All grains are found in even numbers on the stalks,
and the Lord specified thirty fold, sixty fold,
and a hundred fold - all even numbers.

God has caused the flowers to blossom at certain specified times during the day, so that Linnaeus, the great botanist, once said that if he had a conservatory containing the right kind of soil, moisture and temperature, he could tell the time of day or night by the flowers that were open and those that were closed!

The lives of each of you may be ordered by the Lord in a beautiful way for His glory, if you will only entrust Him with your life.  If you try to regulate your own life, it will only be a mess and a failure.

Only the One Who made the brain and the heart
can successfully guide them to a profitable end.


May God Bless You 

In Ways You Never
Even Dreamed Today!

Friday, November 11, 2011

There are a few lessons for all of us here...

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas, leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and
clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in
one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did
dance ... Never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you
old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old
man's feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started
hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.

Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied. When his last bullet had been
fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and
turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled
shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly
through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.

The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 10 gauge barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said,

"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's behind?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, 

"No sir ... But... I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for us all here:

* Never be arrogant.
* Don't waste ammunition.
* Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
* Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
* Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.

Thursday, November 10, 2011


Take me back to yesteryear
And the games I played with my sister dear
A Sears Roebuck catalog was full of joys
When we looked at all the wonderful toys
We’d point to a picture and select only one
Then we’d look at the price tag to see who won

Take me back to yesterday
To the country side where we would play
A bluff, a tree, they were mountains to climb
Just to reach the top was truly sublime
A pole, a fishhook, and a worm to thread
To our favorite fishing hole on the path that led

Take me back once again to see
The things we did just you and me
The plans we vowed would all come true
With a smile on our lips and a nickel inside our shoe
How happy life was in yesteryear
Where we hardly ever shed a tear

Take me back if you can
To that wonderful never-never land
To savor that youth of a girl and boy
And relive those happy moments of joy
No worries or sadness or thoughts of getting old
Just the dreams of the tomorrows that would unfold

I have not forgotten those yesterdays
Where life was full of simple ways
Imagination was all we had
But it was enough for a lassie and lad
Together we hoped there would always be
A better life ahead for you and me

But let us rejoice in the life we have known
And for the blessings to us that God has shown
No regrets, no sorrows, no thoughts to make us sad
About all the things we wanted but never had
Regrets we’ll cast out before they start
To fester and grow inside our heart

For life is too precious to live with sorrow
Of things you can’t do today or tomorrow
So let us live our life from this day on
And cherish all the good things we have known
I am so grateful for the days God did give
And for the tomorrows He allows us to live

Copyright © M. Passman (used by permission)

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Wrong email address ...Priceless...

A  Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to
 Thaw out during a particularly icy winter.
 They planned to stay at the same hotel where
 They spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to
 Coordinate their travel
 So, the husband left Minnesota and flew
 To Florida on
 With his wife flying down the  
 Following day.  
 The husband checked into the hotel.  
 There was a computer in his
Room, so he
 To send an email to his wife.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her
Email address, and
 Realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just
 Returned home from
her husband's funeral.  
 He was a minister who was
Called home to glory
 Following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her email expecting
 Messages from relatives
and friends.  
 After reading the first message,she
 Screamed and
The widow's son rushed into the room, 
 Found his mother on the floor,  
 Saw the computer screen which read:
 To: My Loving Wife
Subject : I've Arrived
 Date: November 09, 2011
I know you're surprised to hear from me.  
 They have computers here now
 And you are allowed to send emails  
To your loved ones. 

I've just arrived and have been checked in. I've
 Seen that everything has been prepared  
 For your arrival tomorrow.  
Looking forward to
 Seeing you then! 

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
 P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Interview With God

I dreamed I had an interview with God.

“So you would like to interview me?” God asked.

“If you have the time” I said.

God smiled. “My time is eternity.”

“What questions do you have in mind for me?”

“What surprises you most about humankind?”

God answered...

“That they get bored with childhood,
they rush to grow up, and then
long to be children again.”

“That they lose their health to make money...

and then lose their money to restore their health.”

“That by thinking anxiously about the future,

they forget the present,
such that they live in neither
the present nor the future.”

"That they live as if they will never die,

and die as though they had never lived.”

God’s hand took mine

and we were silent for a while.

And then I asked...

“As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons
you want your children to learn?”

“To learn they cannot make anyone

love them. All they can do
is let themselves be loved.”

“To learn that it is not good

to compare themselves to others.”

“To learn to forgive

by practicing forgiveness.”

“To learn that it only takes a few seconds

to open profound wounds in those they love,
and it can take many years to heal them.”

“To learn that a rich person

is not one who has the most,
but is one who needs the least.”

“To learn that there are people

who love them dearly,
but simply have not yet learned
how to express or show their feelings.”

“To learn that two people can

look at the same thing
and see it differently.”

“To learn that it is not enough that they

forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.”

"Thank you for your time," I said humbly.

"Is there anything else

you would like your children to know?"

God smiled and said,

“Just know that I am here... always.”

-author unknown