Tuesday, June 30, 2015


Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring  kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals.  So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question.  Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. 
The question?...What do women really want?  Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.  But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. 
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester.  He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. 
Many people advised him to consult the old ugly woman, for only she would have the answer. 
But the price would be high; as the woman was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. 
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the old woman.  She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. 
The old ugly woman wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! 
Young Arthur was horrified.  She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.  He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. 
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. 
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. 
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the woman answered Arthur's question thus: 
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life. 
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the woman had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. 
And so it was, the neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the ugly woman had a wonderful wedding. 
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom.  But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed.  The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. 
The young beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared ugly, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. 
Which would he prefer?  Beautiful during the day -- or night? 
Lancelot pondered the predicament.  During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old ugly woman?  Or, would he prefer having a hideous woman during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments? 
What would YOU do? 
What Lancelot chose is below. 
BUT -- make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. 
 Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. 
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life. 
Now....what is the moral to this story? 
The moral is -- 

If you don't let a woman have her own way...
Things are going to get ugly..

Monday, June 29, 2015

The Blind Cashier at Bass Pro Shop

A woman goes into the Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"  As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a MasterCard," he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00?How did you get $34.50?"

He replies, "The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50."

Sunday, June 28, 2015


A woman's daughter had asked the local minister 
to come and pray with her mother. 
When the minister arrived, 
he found the woman lying in bed with her head 
propped up on two pillows.

An empty chair sat beside her bed. 
The minister assumed that the woman 
had been informed of his visit... 
'I guess you were expecting me, he said.

'No, who are you?' said the mother. 
The minister told her his name and then remarked, 
'I saw the empty chair and I figured you knew 
I was going to show up..'

'Oh yeah, the chair,' said the bedridden woman 
'Would you mind closing the door?' 
Puzzled, the minister shut the door. 
'I have never told anyone this, 
not even my daughter,' said the woman.

'But all of my life I have never 
known how to pray. 
At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, 
but it went right over my head...'

I abandoned any attempt at prayer,' 
the old woman continued, ' 
until one day four years ago, my best friend said to me, 
' Prayer is just a simple matter 
of having a conversation with Jesus. 
Here is what I suggest.. 
'Sit down in a chair;
place an empty chair in front of you, 
and in faith see Jesus on the chair.

It's not spooky because he promised, 
'I will be with you always'..
'Then just speak to him in the same way 
you're doing with me right now...'

'So, I tried it and I've liked it so much
that I do it a couple of hours every day. 
I'm careful though.If my daughter saw me talking 
to an empty chair, she'd either have a nervous breakdown 
or send me off to the funny farm.'

The minister was deeply moved by the story and 
encouraged the old woman to continue on the journey. 
Then he prayed with her, anointed her with oil, 
and returned to the church.

Two nights later the daughter called 
to tell the minister that her mama 
had died that afternoon. 
Did she die in peace?' he asked.

Yes, when I left the house about two o'clock, 
she called me over to her bedside,
told me she loved me and kissed me on the cheek. 
When I got back from the store an hour later, 
I found her .

But there was something strange about her death. 
Apparently, just before Mom died, 
she leaned over and rested her head on the chair 
beside the bed. What do you make of that?'

The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said, 
'I wish we could all go like that.'

Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I asked God for water, He gave me an ocean.* 
I asked God for a flower, He gave me a garden.* 
I asked God for a friend, He gave me all of YOU... 
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Happy moments, praise God. 
Difficult moments, seek God. 
Quiet moments, worship God
Painful moments, trust God. 
Every moment, thank God.
Just send this to four people or more, 
and do not break this, please.